You're Not Alone
by Superpsych96
Summary: The unthinkable happens while Jack is away at Otai Academy. Jack is called home just before senior year, and now he must deal with the nightmare that has become his real life. His toughest opponent isn't in a tournament or a sparring match, it's what's left of his heart and soul. Kim has to pull out all the stops to see Jack through it. Expect major whump and off the handle Jack.
1. Wolves

**So this is my first story on this fandom. I do a lot of work with Psych, and in case you don't know me... boy do I love a good whump story! Enough about me, onto the story for the show I don't own about the characters I don't own!**

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The ride home from the Brewers' anniversary dinner was quiet and calm, the nightlife of Seaford wasn't exactly formidable.

Zoe Brewer leaned her head on the shoulder of her husband, Ted. "Tonight was perfect, honey. I don't think it could have been any better." She said with a smile.

"I wish Jack would have made his monthly call..." Ted trailed off, missing his son more than he would openly admit.

"I know honey, but Otai has been taking so much out of him." Zoe said trying to show her support. She missed him too. She couldn't believe Jack had been gone for so long. His senior year would be starting for him in three days if he hadn't gone to Japan.

"He'll call soon, I know he will." Ted lifted his wife's hand and kissed her knuckles as he stopped at a four way intersection, only blocks from home. Only one truck was behind him, none coming the other ways.

Ted made to start up again, but the pickup, going well above the speed limit smashed into his rear end, sending their SUV into a thick light post. The car folded like an accordion and the hood looked like a piece of crumpled aluminum foil.

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"We need to find Jack Brewer." Sergeant Coleson told his rookie. "He's going to want to know his parents are dead." Coleson said, removing his hat. "Poor kid."

"Where is he, anyway? I tried to call his mobile number listed in his parents' contact list." Private Gore told his training officer.

"If we can't get a hold of him, we should find someone who can." Coleson said matter-of-factly. "Let's see what we can dig up on our poor friend, Jack."

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"Excuse me, kids." Coleson said as he stepped into the Bobby Wasabi Dojo. "Would a 'Sensei Rudy' be around here somewhere?" Coleson's voice was low and gravely. He'd been on the job for ten years but this never got easier.

"Yeah, he should be in his office." The blonde fireball, Kim Crawford pointed over her shoulder to Rudy's door. She didn't even look behind her as Jerry shrieked and charged. She simply stuck her arm out and clotheslined the much larger boy, sending him on his back and causing Coleson to flinch.

"Uh, thank you much, ma'am." Coleson tipped his hat and knocked on Rudy's office before entering. "Mr. Gillespie?"

"Oh no!" Rudy shot up out of his chair, shifting back and forth on his feet like he was deciding on which way to run for. "I told you I was set up! Set up, I tell ya!" Rudy shouted.

"Sir, please calm down. You're not in any trouble." Coleson said with a smile and a shake of his head. He was familiar with the squirrelly little man-boy.

"Oh, well in that case, what can I do for you?" Rudy said pleasantly with a smile as he took his seat again.

"Rudy, I have some bad news involving one of your students." Coleson said, playing with the brim of his hat.

"Jerry has all of his shots, I swear." Rudy said defensively.

"One Mr. Jack Brewer."

"Bad news about Jack?! What happened?" Rudy's heart was in his throat when Jack's name came up. Jack was his best student and felt almost like a son to him.

"There was an accident, Rudy. There was a car accident." Coleson started slowly. "Texting while driving. A kid in his daddy's truck. Rear ended the Brewers and sent them into a pole. They were both pronounced dead at the scene."

"Oh.. oh no no no no." Rudy's hand covered his mouth as his heart sank for the boy. "Jack needs to know about this. He's in Japan, has been for a while. I'll call the Academy and have them send him home."

"That's probably the best thing to do. My advice, don't tell him why he's coming home until he's home." Coleson got up and saw himself out.

Rudy picked up his office phone and took a deep breath.

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Jack swept his opponent's leg and jumped high off the ground, avoiding the opponent's attempt to knock Jack down from the ground.

Jack was on his feet and took a second to re-center himself. The other man kicked back up to and charged Jack, who had been aggravatingly calm the entire match.

Jack had time to take a defensive stance, his body facing to the left, but his head facing his opponent. He turned on his toes and planted his right heel, facing the taller boy now. In one swift motion, he kicked with his left foot and caught the boy in the chin, knocking him out for the count.

"Young Brewer, well done." Jack's Otai sensei praised. "That's enough for the day." He handed Jack a towel.

"Thank you, Sensei." Jack said while catching his breath after a hard day's training. He ran the towel over his hair that met the base of his neck. Jack rolled his shoulders and looked questionably at his sensei. "What's going on?" Jack knew something was up.

"Jack, your old sensei, Rudy called." Jack's sensei said quietly. "You have been summoned back home for a family emergency."

"Is everything okay?" Jack's heart was pounding with refreshed force.

"Sensei Rudy would like to wait until you get home to discuss the matter with you." Sensei Nakayama was a wise man, who agreed with Rudy and Coleson's idea. That knowledge before getting home would make for the longest trip ever. "Pack your things, young Brewer. You go home tonight."

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Jack's ride home was long and drawn out. He had no idea what was awaiting him back in Seaford. What was so important that they wouldn't tell him till he got home? There's no way he had a baby brother or sister. That thought alone made him chuckle. He didn't think his parents split up either.

Jerry, Milton and Kim were all waiting for him with big signs and grinning faces, ready to have their fearless, strong and unshakable leader back, even if for only a little while. "JACK!" they all shouted in unison as they charged him.

Jack couldn't hold back the stupid grin from his face as he dropped his bags and ran at what might as well be part of his family. "It's so good to see you guys!" Jack said through gritted teeth, the group bear hug taking his breath away.

"We missed you too, Jack." Kim whispered in his ear. There was an interesting tone to her voice. He didn't think she wanted to say 'we'.

"Oh my God, we have so much to catch up on!" Jack said as he jogged back to pick up his bags. He sounded like a teenage girl, but he didn't even try to care.

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The drive wasn't nearly long enough for the newly reunited friends, but they expected Jack should get home, unpack and get some rest. Rudy had told them to pick him up, but they were as clueless about Jack's situation as Jack was.

"Mom, dad! I'm home!" Jack shouted into the house. "Mom? Dad?" Jack called again as he brought his bags up to his room. He didn't see the car in the drive way, so they could be out somewhere...

Jack decided to catch a nap since he didn't catch much sleep on the plane. As soon as his head hit the pillow, his phone buzzed. It was a text from Kim.

 _I'm glad you're back._

 _I'm glad to be back. I missed you..._ Jack paused and decided to reword, _I'm glad to be back. I missed home._

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"Rudy, Jack's back home safe and sound." Kim told him from his doorway.

"What? Why didn't you bring him here?" Rudy asked in near anger.

"Because I thought he'd want to unpack, rest and see his parents." Kim said with creased eyebrows.

Rudy didn't know what to say. How was he supposed to break the news to Jack? How was he supposed to tell this promising young man with the world under his foot that his parents were never coming home again? What would this do to Jack?

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Jack slept the rest of the day and the entire night away. He had no idea just how much Otai had exhausted him. Otai really had a way of weeding out those not meant to be the best.

With a great effort, Jack rolled out of bed, showered and went down stairs to see his parents again for the first time in too long. Much to his surprise, the house was still empty and the car was still gone.

The only other thing on his mind right now was the dojo. He had been gone far too long. He still needed to see Rudy, too. He missed that crazy son of a bitch a lot more than he had expected.

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"Hey Jack, welcome back to your real home." Jerry smiled before his face stiffened and he cried out, opening his eyes again when his back was firmly planted on the mat.

"Holy Christmas nuts! I just flipped Jerry!" Milton dropped to his boney little knees and fist pumped furiously.

Jack could only shake his head and chuckle. The gang was still the gang. His eyes shifted to where Kim was stretched out on the floor in her own little world. Her stretching warm ups always had her in another plain of existence. Jack couldn't help but notice how much the young blonde had matured.

"Jack." Rudy swallowed hard from the doorway, his guts feeling like they were trying to climb out and make a get away. "Can I see you in my office, please?" Rudy could barely get the words out.

"Uh, sure Rudy." Jack shook his head and smiled at the odd man that was his old sensei.

"Jack, I think you should take a seat for this." Rudy told him, taking his own seat behind his desk. "I don't know how to tell you this, Jack." Rudy was already choking on his words.

"Rudy, I just got back. Can't you wait TWO DAYS before you try to swindle me into walking your..." Jack stopped talking when he saw Rudy's eyes close and a tear rolled down. He'd never seen Rudy cry before. "Rudy?" Jack asked, a little scared himself.

"Jack, there was an accident." Rudy started slowly, articulating every word and allowing for it to sink in word for word.

"Rudy, what happened?" Jack was leaning forward, his elbows digging into his thighs.

"You're parents were on their way home the other night, on their anniversary."

Jack slumped back in his chair. He already didn't like where this was going.

"They stopped at a stop sign. When they tried to go again, they were hit by another vehicle."

"Rudy..." Jack shot up out of the chair. If this was a sick joke, it was just that, sick.

"They went into a pole, Jack."

"No." Jack crossed his arms in defiance. "No " he said again like it would make his lip stop quivering and Rudy wouldn't be crying for him.

"There was nothing they could do." Rudy stood up and was openly crying too as he walked towards Jack, who could do nothing but try to fight back tears, try to breath.

"No!" Jack shouted, kicking without thinking, just a random expulsion of rage. He didn't even register when his foot cracked through the hardwood of Rudy's desk.

"I'm sorry, Jack." Rudy pulled his student into a tight hug and wouldn't let him go, even when Jack tried to push away.

"You're lying! You're a fucking liar!" Jack's face was red and tear streaked as he hugged Rudy back with all he had, unable to hold himself back in any measure.

"I'm so sorry." Rudy had seen Jack wince in a fight. He'd heard strangled growls in determination and cries of pain ripped from Jack's throat in situations where a normal human would tap but Jack Brewer never gave up. Rudy had seen Jack in nearly every level of physical pain, that was part of karate. He never thought he'd see Jack's own heart ripped from his chest and dropped on the floor like this.

After minutes passed, Jack let go and took shaky steps back, his hands raking through his once perfect hair. The tears and sobs still persisted, and Jack couldn't do anything more than fold in on himself in the corner, a fetal ball.

"Take as long as you need, Champ." Rudy wasn't sure what else to do for the poor kid.

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Rudy came out of the office and closed the door again behind him, quick enough to stop the others from having any idea what was happening.

"Rudy, are you okay?" Milton asked, catching Rudy's puffy cheeks and red, raw eyes.

"Yeah, why?" Rudy tried to laugh it off, but his sniffles kept the Warriors from buying it.

"Where's Jack?" Kim asked carefully. "He mentioned he would be in around now." Kim had completely missed Jack's entrance, and Rudy's office was damn near sound proof.

"COME ON! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW!" That was impossible to not hear. None of them had ever heard a terrible voice so lost and so broken, so helpless.

"Jack!?" Kim called for him and sprang for the office.

"No!" Rudy shouted and caught the small blonde by the shoulders, pulling her away. "He needs to be alone right now." Rudy said loud enough for the guys to hear. "We'll all need to be there for him soon enough, though."


	2. Don't You Cry For Me

**If you expect me to make it all better in this chapter, sorry buddy. This isn't going to be a warm and cuddly chapter. Buckle up because this story is going to hurt. I call it the Superpsych Slow Torture.**

 **Please listen to "Don't You Cry For Me" by Cobi.**

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Jack came out of Rudy's office on his own time, and it took a good long time. When Jack did make his re-entrance, he looked calm and collected, stoic.

Without warm up or a stretch, Jack approached the striking dummy shaped like a man. And boy did he unload on it. He unleashed with kicks, strikes, chops and jabs no had even seen. It was raw power and anger to which Milton would call Jack Style from now on.

Jack stood stock still and closed his eyes in total focus. Kim, Milton, and Jerry wondered if he had let out enough anger and was done. Rudy wondered what Jack's next move would be.

With eyes still closed, he turned his body 90 degrees to the left but kept his head facing the battered dummy. Jack opened his eyes and crossed his left leg over his right. His right leg came from behind the left and rose up, as he arched his side he cocked his right leg back and rocketed it back out. His foot caught the dummy right in the mouth and I shit you not, took the head clean off.

The others stood there with eyes wide and jaws dropped. They'd never seen a dummy's head tear off, let alone torn off by Jack. By the time their eyes left the dummy's head and went to Jack, they only saw his back as he left the dojo.

"I don't know what happened, but Jack obviously shouldn't drive like this." Kim said to Rudy before chasing after Jack.

"I hope Kim knows what she's doing. Jack might rip her head off, too." Jerry said, exhaling with a low whistle.

"No, I don't think so." Milton crossed his arms and watched Kim go. He knew something the others didn't.

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"Jack!" Kim called after him just as he reached his car.

Jack stopped and braced himself on the car with both arms. "What?" He said coldly. This was Kim. Jack wanted to burn the world down right now, but not Kim. Never Kim.

Kim froze when she heard his tone. She knew he was hurting, anyone could see that. She wasn't going to ask if he was okay just to be met with an 'I'm fine'. "Jack, what happened?" Her voice was soft, dripping with care and honest worry for her friend.

"Kim, I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk right now." His voice was cracked and raspy like he hadn't used it in days. Or like he'd been crying. Kim had heard his screams from the office. It sounded like he was dying. Not physically dying, but like his own soul was being torn from him.

"I get that, but can you at least let me drive you home? You're not okay and I don't think you're in a state to drive." Kim said almost forcefully, telling him there was no room to argue.

"Fine. Whatever." Jack yielded and tossed her the keys.

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The whole ride was quiet and charged. Jack was adamant about not talking. Kim stole the occasional worried glance to gauge his mood. Dark, brooding and angry as hell.

When she pulled up to his house, he had the thousand yard stare and his jaw was clenched so tight she could almost see the strain on every muscle. She couldn't bare seeing him like this!

"Jack, I know you don't want to talk, but whatever you need, I'm here." Kim was nearly in tears herself from just seeing Jack in this silent agony. What he must really be feeling broke her even further, causing her eyes to fill with water.

"Kim, stop that." Jack demanded. "I don't need you crying on top of things." Jack took his exit of the vehicle and stormed to his house.

Kim stayed where she was, locked in place. She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. She'd never seen him so cold and harsh, so... pent up. What will it be like when Jack Brewer explodes?

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"Hey Jack?!" Kim called from the landing. "Jack?!" Of course that stubborn boy didn't respond. She would have to set up camp downstairs. She wasn't leaving him alone. Not yet at least. Not until he told her what was up.

She thought about going after him, but she thought better of it and decided to stay where she was. Eventually, he would need to come down for food or something. She would still be there, waiting. Kim Crawford may not look like the average guard dog, but she sure had a similar temper with the mouth to match.

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It was nearing 8:00 in the evening and there was still no sign of Jack. It was 10:00 in the morning when he had showed up at the dojo. He hadn't eaten in ten hours! Someone of Jack's life style goes through a lot of food. She had ordered Jack's favorite pizza so he would have some kind of comfort food to look forward to.

Kim huffed to herself and turned off the TV in Jack's living room. She had tried TV, tried reading and tried to take a nap before going back to the TV. Nothing held her attention or could keep her mind from replaying Jack's scream from Rudy's office that morning. And that dummy. She had never seen a display of strength and sheer destruction like that before. She wasn't impressed when it happened. She was honestly scared.

She fought with the idea of going up to check on him. She wasn't sure why he was home from Otai at all. Was it a family matter? Did something happen to him at Otai? He was fine when they picked him up.

The caring and worried side won out, and before Kim knew it, her tiny feet were silently padding upstairs and nearing Jack's room. Where were his parents? Were they on some kind of trip that stopped them from caring for their son?

She reached his room and very gently knocked, just in case he was sleeping. She wasn't sure if he was or not, but sleep is always a go to when something was wrong with her.

There was no response from the other side of the door, so Kim gambled and gently, slowly opened the door a crack.

The room was dark and she could just make out the shape of Jack's body on his bed. He was fetal with the blankets pushed to the very foot. Her eyes adjusted to the light, or the lack there of. She swore she could see the faintest of movements. His entire body gently shaking, almost rocking.

Before Kim's body registered with her mind, she was at the foot of the bed, pulling the blanket gently and slowly over Jack's lightly convulsing form. She stepped to the head of the bed and ran her small hand through his long brown hair. "I don't know what's going on, Jack, but don't think for a second that you're alone in whatever this is." Kim whispered in his ear. "I'm hear for you. Know that." Kim finished gently before kissing the top of his head. She couldn't think of a more pure, innocent and caring expression.

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Kim woke up the next morning to someone shaking her shoulders. She looked up from the couch to see Jack standing over her, still in the clothes he wore yesterday. "Jack? How are you feeling?" She asked softly like the whole house was just waking.

"You start school today. Go." Jack ordered simply, his throat dry and his voice cracked and brittle. His eyes were beyond red and dry in appearance. Had he been up crying all night?!

"Jack, I think you need to..." Kim tried but was cut off by Jack.

"Go." His voice was more forceful this time, Kim's needs over his, whether she liked it or not.

"Okay." Kim relented, not because she was okay with it but because she didn't want to piss him off. This side of Jack had her tiptoeing around egg shells.

She stood up and without permission, wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "I'll be back right after school. If you need anything, please call. My number is still the same." she whispered in his ear and hurried off to school for the day.

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The first day of senior year was no different than any other for Milton and Jerry. Milton was just surprised Jerry hadn't tried anything up to this point in the line of pranks and schemes. He didn't even mess with Milton's paper.

Milton read every story; he read the journal reports, he read the opinion pieces and even the 'happenings' section. When he got the obituaries, his heart stopped and his eyes bugged.

Jerry saw Milton's reaction and couldn't keep his eyes from rolling. "What's Dilbert up to now, Milton?"

Milton was utterly speechless, so he just slipped the paper to Jerry.

Jerry's eyes skimmed and he finally caught it. Jerry swallowed heavily and looked to Milton. "I think I know what happened to Jack."

"Hey guys, what's up?" Kim asked a little downtrodden. Whatever was torturing Jack was slowly eating at her as well. Depressed by association. Is that a thing?

"Oh, not much." Milton lied.

"Me and Milton just saw Jack's parents in the ob..." Jerry was stopped mid word by a hard open palmed slap from Milton. "Ouch bro, so not cool!"

"In the Oboe section of the music store yesterday!" Milton finished without thought.

"That's weird. They never went to see Jack yesterday." Kim told them. "Or at least that's what Jack told me..." Kim lied to hide her protective watch of Jack.

Kim sat down with the boys, the three of them eating their lunches in dead silence. Kim didn't eat much, her appetite not surprisingly wrestled from her by her anxiety over Jack's situation. She couldn't focus on school let alone eat while Jack was at home, seemingly dying inside.

Milton nudged Jerry and pressed a finger to his own lips, telling Jerry to remain quiet. He waited until Kim looked up from her tray once she was tired of playing with the brown beings that had once been broccoli. "Kim, if you're not too busy after school today, would you like to accompany Jerry and I to Falafel Phil's?"

"Hmm?" Kim hadn't registered that the waiflike boy had spoken until he had finished speaking.

"Kim, are you okay?" Jerry asked. "You didn't actually try the meatloaf, did you? That stuff will immediately put you down for the count." Jerry shook his head from his horrifying experience.

"No, Jerry, I didn't try the meatloaf." Kim scowled at her tray as if the idea of touching the food to her mouth was an insult. "I'm fine." Kim lied. She wanted to see Jack and be sure he was back to his old self, that's all.

The three got up when it was made clear that no more attempts would be made to try and consume Marge's excuse for food.

"So, Falafel after school?" Milton asked in a more simple fashion this time. Falafel Phil's had really been their late lunches since sophomore year.

"Uh, yeah." Kim agreed. "I'll meet up with you guys at your locker, Milton?" Kim offered a rendezvous point.

"Sounds good."

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Kim, Milton, and Jerry did go to Falafel Phil's as planned. Milton and Jerry had stomached what they had learned from the paper, and tried to act as casual as normal without seeming too casual. Kim was obviously distracted, but to her credit she kept up the best she could.

Their food baskets and cups were empty, and Kim had a to-go box and a pop **(A/N: Yeah, I said pop instead of soda. Proud Michigan kid right here!)** for Jack.

"Kim, before we go, I think we need to show you something." Milton said carefully and retrieved the paper from his backpack. "You should see this here, while we're here together." Milton slipped Kim the paper, Milton and Jerry watching her with supportive and sympathetic expressions.

Kim looked from their faces to the paper, seeing it was open to the obituaries. "Jerry, Milton?" Kim looked up, hoping they'd tell her she didn't have to look. She had an undeniable gnawing feeling this had to do with Jack.

"Read it, Kim." Milton told her in a voice that didn't sound his own. It was too cold and lifeless to be Milton Krupnick.

Her eyes skimmed down the page, searching for a name to stick out. A name did stick out, two names. Kim's heart stopped and she had to reread the names three times over to believe it. "This is a mistake." Kim said with false bravado. "They must have miss IDed." Kim stated plainly like it happened all the time.

"I don't think so, Kim. Given what we've seen the last three days, it has to be true." Kim hated when his logic killed her blissful denials.

Kim looked from the paper to the boys again. She closed her eyes and raised the back of her hand to her mouth while she tried to steady herself. She wanted to break down and cry. Not for herself, but for him.

Jack had been on top of the world three days ago. He was on his way up the Otai ladder and had one year to go. He was in the peak of physical and mental health. He had friends and family at home that cared for him. That family had been ripped from him, and he would need his friends more than ever.

Kim got up out of her chair and shook the table. "Get up. Get me to Jack." Kim ordered, leaving no room for argument.

"Yes ma'am!" Milton replied immediately, shocked to action by Kim's forcefulness.

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The car stopped in front of Jack's driveway and before anyone could speak, Kim damn near knocked the passenger side door off and bounded for the door.

She didn't knock or call, she threw the door open and her eyes assessed the situation. God, it was ugly.

Furniture was wrecked to splinters, pictures and glass smashed and cracked, and there were drops of blood and smears here and there. Jack was a second degree black belt at Otai. Of course he did this himself.

The only piece of surviving furniture was the couch that now faced the back wall, with one leg apparently kicked off.

Kim approached the couch cautiously, not sure what she expected to find. What she did find was a passed out and bloody handed Jack, a bottle of his dad's Grey Goose sitting up next to the couch. It was standing up, a good two thirds gone.

She couldn't help stare, immobilized by this nightmarish, no, hellish sight in front of her. It was a good two minutes before one foot was moving in front of another. "Jack?" she said his name quietly, hoping to gently wake him without a startle. "Jack?" She tried again before kneeling down in front of his face.

The smell of alcohol on his breath couldn't be missed. Her eyes scanned his body and settled on his torn and bloodied hands. There were so many splinters embedded in his hands he looked like a box of toothpicks.

Kim's eyes welled with tears and they freely escaped. "Why did this have to happen to you?" Kim said even below a whisper. She pinched herself as if this was her own nightmare. It wasn't. It was real. And this was really her Jack in front of her, bloodied, beaten down and trying to stop feeling yet feel anything at the same time.

This isn't how she wanted Jack Brewer back.

Hurting Jack Brewer should be a sin, she thought.


	3. Atlantis

**I know Jack hasn't had a lot of dialogue yet, but he'll start talking in this chapter. There's going to be a lot of discourse between him and Kim.**

 **Please listen to "Atlantis" by Seafret.**

Kim steeled herself and set to the task of cleaning up the still unconscious Jack. She left his side long enough to get a bowl and fill it with hot water. A pair of tweezers, Neosporin, gauze and hydrogen peroxide were all easy enough to find in his bathroom.

She sat down on the floor next to the couch and began the task of gently removing dozens of little splinters from her warrior's hands. She was sure she had all of them, the task made easier by Jack's unresponsiveness. Kim didn't have to fight his squirming or try to dodge the heated looks she would have expected had he been awake.

Her next step was disinfecting Jack's hands and bandaging them. Being a black belt, Kim was more than familiar with hand wraps, the acquired skill becoming very useful here.

Jack had been cleaned up and Kim washed her own hands. She reentered the living and sighed, one hand on her hip and another going through her hair. She really wanted to be pissed at the boy for making such a mess that she felt obligated to clean up. Under normal circumstances, she'd straight up kick his ass. Jack was no doubt a better fighter, she had to admit. He would never really hurt her, and that temper of hers added an edge Jack could never really prepare for.

Kim turned to see Jack on the couch, his face buried into a cushion and one of his arms hanging lifelessly off the couch. She couldn't even make out where his other arm was. She puffed up her cheeks and exhaled slowly before beginning the battle that would be cleaning up Jack's despair driven carnage.

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Jack slowly came to. He opened his eyes and saw black. Was he dead? He moved his arm that dangled off the couch and pressed it next to his head. No, he wasn't that lucky. He was just nose deep in cushion. He turned his head and the first thing he saw was a tight ass encased in jean shorts bent over and pointed right at him.

He groaned and instead of fighting to sit up, he rolled off the couch with a thud instead. Jack expected to fall in a pile of debris from his karate tirade, but instead met a shag tug. He rolled onto his back to see Kim standing over him with a sympathetic expression.

"No." Jack pointed at her from his position on the floor. "Stop making that face." It was apparent to him that he was still at least a little intoxicated. It's the closest to okay he's felt in two days.

Kim went from an openly sad face to a purse lipped frown. She squatted down next to him and rubbed a hand through his hair.

Before she had the chance to say anything, Jack took hold of her hand and removed it from his hairline. He was far from fine, but he still didn't like the idea of being coddled, even if it was Kim. "Kim, what are you doing here?" Jack asked, trying to sit up but only wincing when he put pressure on his lacerated hands.

Kim pressed lightly on his chest to push him back into the soft rug. "I'm taking care of you, you big idiot." Kim rolled her eyes as she got lower and put Jack's arm over her back so she could sit him up with his on minimal effort. "Someone has to." She said with effort as she finally got Jack in a seated position.

Jack caught her last words and he immediately tensed at them. _Taking care of you... someone has to._

Kim caught the look on Jack's face and she quickly thought about her word choice, realizing how badly that sounded. "Oh my God, Jack, I am so sorry." Kim said, covering her mouth in shock. "I didn't mean it that..." she tried to rush her apology but Jack cut her short.

"Relax, Kim." Was all he said as he hopped up to his feet. Even half drunk, Jack was more spry than most people. He dipped to grab the unfinished bottle next to the couch, but Kim had telegraphed it and grabbed it first.

"Oh no you don't mister." She told him in a scolding tone. "I think you've had enough." Kim wasn't a saint. She was damn near 18 and she would be a Pinokian liar if she said she had never had a drink. "This isn't the way to cope, Jack."

"What do you know about what I'm trying to cope with? What do you know about coping, Kim?" Jack challenged, his voice laced with burning venom in his given state.

Kim pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. This is where things get hard, isn't it? "Jack, I read the paper today." Kim said sternly. Sympathetic and quiet tones only seemed to make Jack feel babied and irate.

"So?" Jack crossed his arms and stared her down.

"I know what happened. To your parents." Kim was afraid of what his reaction might be. Would he break down at their mention, would he lash out at her?

Jack chuckled darkly and a twisted grin swept over his face. "Don't... don't talk about them." he struggled to say.

"Jack, I get you don't want to talk, but I'm going to take care of you, okay?" Kin took a step towards him and reached out to brush a piece of stray hair from his eyes.

Jack blocked her hand like he'd block a punch and he lightly pushed her backwards. "No, I don't want to talk. I don't want a babysitter. I want to be alone, and I want to stay alone until I can't take it anymore." Jack told her coldly.

"Jack.. " Kim tried again.

"No Kim. I appreciate that you want to help me." Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. "But you can't help me, not yet. This is going to sound sick, and I don't really give a shit, but right now... I don't know if I want to be helped." Jack choked out through another humorless laugh. There was nothing funny about what was just said, though.

"Jack, do NOT tell me you're implying what I think you are." Kim ground out, her tiny hands balling into fists. She couldn't believe this was coming from Jack Brewer.

"You can take that anyway you want to, Kim." Jack raised his arms and dropped them back at his sides. He turned to walk away but Kim took a hold of his hand.

"Jack Brewer, do not walk away from me!" Kim commanded.

Jack turned on his toes and flipped her onto the couch, an indignant shriek escaping her throat. Jack peered into her shocked brown eyes, making sure he had her absolute attention. "You're not my mother." Jack said with a clenched jaw before retreating up the stairs.

Kim covered her face in her hands. She fought as hard as she could, but she lost out in the end. She couldn't back her tears as she quietly sobbed. "Jack, I just want to help you." she said allowed to the boy who's broken heart was stomping on her own. "I just want to help you."

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Kim woke up with a start, her nightmare leaving her in a hot sweat. She looked down at herself and realized there was a blanket pulled up to her chest. She didn't remember having a blanket.

"Pleasant dreams?" Jack asked sarcastically from the kitchen and living room doorway.

"How'd you know?" Kim answered back in a matching tone. "Did you get any sleep?" She was pretty sure she knew the answer to that.

"Loads."

Kim turned to face him. "The bags under your eyes say you're full of shit." Kim called him out.

"Guilty." Jack said as he walked over. He tapped her knee and she scooted over so he could sit next to her. Jack sighed deeply but didn't say a word for a good five minutes. "Sorry I flipped you." he mumbled.

"I'll give you a freebie." Kim leaned over and nudged him with her shoulder. "If you were a normal person, I'd ask you how you're doing..." Kim trailed off, knowing it would be a wasted question.

"How the fuck do you think I'm doing?" Jack said lifelessly, staring at his still bandaged hands.

Kim sighed, not sure what to do or say. Anything she offered Jack, he swatted down. She couldn't just leave him either or she'd have even more damage to manage, she worried.

"You can go if you want." Jack offered, staring off at nothing. There was more silence between them, but Jack took a deep breath, causing Kim to think he was going to speak.

Her eyes were focused on him, scanning his face for anything that might give her a hint to what he was about to say.

The sigh never was expelled and Jack closed his eyes. His body shook and he screwed his eyes tighter.

Kim knew he was about to have a breakdown in front of her. "Hey." Kim said quietly, a hand cautiously going to his back. She made contact as the first quiet son escaped. Another one followed and she began to rub small, comforting circles.

Jack lost control and he began sobbing openly, tears poured down his face as he struggled for composure. "God damn it, Jack." He cursed himself. "Fucking stop!" He pounded his leg with a hard fist. "You're stronger than this, come on!" he coached through gritted teeth, but the pain was still just too much.

"No, Jack. You are so strong." Kim tried to soothe him. "It's okay, let it go Jack. It's natural. You need to let go." Kim whispered.

"Fuck Kim, it hurts so much." Jack relented. "I've never felt like this, and I'm so scared." Jack shook again and buried his face in Kim's shoulder.

Kim threw herself over Jack in a tight embrace, crushing him to her as her own tears ran free. "I know Jack, I know."

"I wasn't here, Kim. I wasn't even in the same country! Mom didn't even want me to go!" Jack couldn't control his vocal range, his voice carrying up and down with his cries. "What kind of son was I?"

"No Jack, no." Kim told him, trying to hug him even tighter but she physically couldn't. "You're a great friend and a great son. Don't you feel bad about a thing, Jack." Kim said over her own sobs.

"I'm so scared, Kim. I'm just a kid." Jack sniffed deeply. "I try to be so tough, I try to be the best, but look at me!" Jack was shouting in anguish and rage that Kim had never seen. She would never believe this was Jack if she wasn't right here with him, crying her eyes out, her shirt soaked through with his tears and his hot, uneven breath almost melting her skin through said saturated shirt.

"You're not weak, Jack. No one could handle this any better, you hear me?" Kim sniffed and tried to calm herself down. How was she supposed to pick Jack up if she couldn't get a hold of herself.

"It's all just so much." Jack said quieter, exhausted now from their shared outpour. "I've lost everything, Kim. We were a happy family. We loved each other and we were there for each other no matter what, like a family should be. Why did this have to end like this? I'm just a kid." Jack's breath had become slow and deep, almost labored.

"I don't know, Jack. I just don't know." Kim admitted. "But you haven't lost everything, though it feels like you have. You still have people that care, Jack, people who love you. I won't leave you alone. I promise." Kim kissed his head and slowly scooted down the couch so she was lying on her back and Jack's head was resting on her chest.

Kim had had so many fantasies about being in this exact position with him, but nit like this. Never like this. Her hand sifted through his soft hair until she was sure he was asleep. "It's not fair, Jack. Why did this have to happen to you?" she whispered into his hair.

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 **There. Jack finally opened up. Do you all hate me yet? Am I going too far? We're only in chapter three, so I have a lot in store. Before any of you get too discouraged, all of my stories have a light at the end of the tunnel.**


	4. The Boxer

**Please listen to "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel**

Jack woke up to feel something buzzing against his abs. He tried to get up, but he was being held down. By what?

He rolled his head and saw his living room. Okay. He was on the couch this morning. Cool. He tried to get up again as the buzzing continued, but he was met with more force this time.

Jack craned his head back to realize that what was holding him down in a death lock was a deeply sleeping Kim. "Kim." He said none too quietly. "Kim!" She still showed no sign of waking. "Sorry about this..." Jack pinched her. Hard.

Kim woke with a scream and shot straight up, causing Jack to roll off onto the floor with a grown. "Huh? What? Little shit wanna fight?" Kim questioned in a cocky tone, her dream still wearing off.

Her eyes darted around and then came to Jack on the floor. "Jack, what are you doing down there?" Kim questioned in honest curiosity.

"Just... hanging out." Jack said with no energy and a face full of shag rug.

"Up you go." Kim said as she stood to her feet and helped him up. Kim didn't say anything, knowing what a stupid thing it would be to ask him how he was doing.

"Better than yesterday." Jack told her. Apparently her face said what her voice didn't. "You should get ready for buzzing alarm clock woke me up." Jack told her. "Take my car so your mom or one of the guys doesn't have to come get you."

"What about you?" Kim couldn't help but ask, her voice level but her expression soft.

"I'll be okay, Kim." Jack assured her. "You know what?" With that question hanging in the air, he left the room and was back in five minutes.

Kim was speechless. There stood Jack, hair perfect, new button-down shirt and impossibly blue jeans. She could even smell the mint on his breath from his toothpaste. "Wow you're good." Kim hadn't realized she said it aloud until Jack just shrugged it off with a face of indifference.

"I think school might give my mind something else to do, you know? Let's get you to your place long enough to freshen up." Jack offered with a pat to her shoulder. You had to give it to the boy, Jack Brewer had a hell of a war face.

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"I'll be back in a minute." Kim told him but didn't move.

Jack stared right back. What was she expecting? Was her silent way of asking for a... no, she didn't want him to kiss her. His rewired brain must be fucking with him. "Okay." Jack said, not sure what she wanted.

Kim smiled and took off at a jog up to her house.

While she was gone, her odd behavior seemed to have an answer. He couldn't believe she thought he was that loose cannon! Okay, maybe he could understand that, given the entirety of yesterday.

When Kim came back to his car she threw herself into the seat and looked at him with a smile. She couldn't believe that Jack was back. That he was sitting right here next to her. The conditions weren't ideal, but she could tell that Jack was fighting to be himself again, to hold onto himself. Like always, she would fight side by side with him.

Her train of thought was shattered by Jack's words. "Did you really have to wait for an answer, Kim? Did you think I was just gonna take off as soon as I was out of your sight?" He paused and she didn't answer. She looked guilty, though. "How big of a flight risk do you think I am?And I just might be. If I'm that big of a question mark to you right now, maybe you should just stay away for a while." His words came fast and hard, slamming right into her heart.

Jack moved to put the car into drive, but her hand stopped his. "Jack, please..." she tried, but Jack's eye roll and rough exhale told her she was done talking for now.

Kim now felt that Jack's fight for himself wasn't going so great.

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Jack walked through the familiar halls of Seaford High in a completely brainless state. He didn't have a backpack or a locker, not even a class schedule. Wherever Milton or Jerry went, he slipped in with them. Any questions about the roster, he just said there were schedule conflicts and that it was going to be fixed soon.

When health class came and the Wasabi Warriors were all supposed to be together, Jack skipped and nobody really knew where he was.

"Kim, how is Jack really doing?" Milton asked carefully as they walked to their lockers.

"He's far from fine, Milton. I've never seen anyone in so much pain." Kim answered honestly.

"He seems fine to me." Jerry shrugged.

"Of course he **seem** s fine, Jerry. This is Jack we're talking about." Milton pointed out. "He's not going to let just anybody see him in a weak and vulnerable state. Jack is used to being strong, calm and collected. He's probably terrified at what the loss of his parents is doing to him, let alone the loss of them alone."

"Does anyone know where Jack is?" Kim asked, worried about their missing and shattered friend. _How big of a flight risk do you think I am?_ His words replayed in her head.

There's a gym class going on right now." Milton offered. "Maybe Jack is just letting go of some frustration."

The image of the hitting dummy, the sight of his living room and bloodied hands came back to her. "We need to save that gym class!" Kim took off at a dead run down the hallway.

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It was too late. What they did see was a sweaty, fuming Jack with his back turned to them. A dodge ball was held with a claw-like grip. The rest of the class including the gym teacher was laid out on the opposite side of the court. Only Frank remained on his knees right at the line. He was blubbering, asking Jack to spare him.

"I'm sorry Jack, please don't do it! NO!" Frank cried out as Jack's arm wound back and the ball shadowed his face from the artificial lights.

"JACK!" Kim screamed from the doorway, effectively stopping him from making the ball one with Frank's face.

His shoulders slumped and he dropped the ball. In under a second, Frank was on his feet and scrambling to get out of Jack's sight.

Kim approached slowly and put a small hand on his hard muscled shoulder. "Jack, you're hurt, but you can't beat down the world with you." Kim told him softly.

Jack rolled his shoulder and she got the message, removing her hand. "I thought I said to stay away from me." Jack said coldly.

Jack turned around and Kim backed away slowly, the hurt on her face was obvious. He walked past her and up to Jerry and Milton. "This was the last class of the day, right?" His voice came across as it's same old self.

"Yes it is." Milton said with a small tremble in his voice, unable to ignore what he had just seen between Jack and Kim.

"Good. Jerry, you're coming with me. Milton, promise me something." Jack ordered.

"Promise you what?" Milton asked suspiciously.

"Promise me you'll get Kim home." He said in all seriousness. He shot her a glance over his shoulder and left with Jerry in tow.

Kim approached Milton with her arms crossed, obviously pissed about what just went down.

"Come on Kim. I promised Jack I'd take you home." Milton told her and motioned for her to leave.

"Yeah, I got that part." Kim answered with no intention of going home.

"We're going to follow Jack, aren't we?"

"Yup."

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"Go throw on your gi." Jack told Jerry as they exited the car and walked to the mall.

"Why can't Kim and Milton train with us?"

"We're doing a different kind of training." was the only offer Jack was willing to give. Milton would want no part of this plan, and as much as he was trying to push Kim away, he didn't want her hurt. That's why he's pushing her away.

Once inside the dojo, Jack ignored Rudy practicing Shin Doo and went straight to his locker.

Rudy stopped in mid wave and opened his eyes, acclimated to others presence. "Jack?" He didn't even have to ask.

"Rudy." Jack replied curtly and went to change.

When he came back, Rudy stood in the center of the mat. "I didn't expect to see you so soon. How are you, son?" Rudy didn't check his words. He was their sensei, they all felt like his children.

Jack froze and did his best to keep it together at being called 'son'. "I won't be here long. I came to get my gi and one of these." he said as he went to the rack of bow staffs.

They were all there, the exact same order he had left them. A feeling in his gut was the only indicator that his favorite bow staff had been used. "Rudy. Who's been working staffs?"

"Oh yeah. Kim took it up after you left. She's getting pretty good." Rudy said with a smile, proud of his other black belt.

Jack's dark, borderline destructive attitude faltered a moment as he analyzed the new info. Not only had Kim taken up his specialty, but she knew which bow staff was his. Was it her way of holding onto him?

Jack shook his head to carry on with his mission. He had to focus if he and Jerry were going to do this. He took his bow staff and he and Jerry left in a hurry.

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Kim and Milton had gotten separated by an unlucky streak of traffic, causing them to lose their sights on Jack and Jerry. Kim had an idea of where they went. More like where Jack dragged Jerry.

The pair broke through the door of the Bobby Wasabi Dojo to find Rudy alone again, practicing his Shin Doo.

"Rudy, was Jack here?" Kim pressed, breaking the small man's concentration.

"Yeah, you missed him by about ten minutes. Where were he and Jerry going with a bow staff anyway?" Somehow it had skipped Rudy's mind to ask in the first place.

"Son of a bitch!" Kim exhaled, seeing her and Jack's bow staff gone. Yes, it was her and Jack's. "Come on Milton, I know where they're going." Kim took off again, a tired Milton laboring behind her.

Rudy shrugged off his quirky students and went back to his practice.

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"Uh, Jack... we're at the Black Dragons Dojo." Jerry pointed out as if Jack didn't know.

"Yup." Jack said simply. He sat there, replaying Kim's words in his head, _Jack, you're hurt, but you can't beat down the world with you._ "I'm gonna beat down the world with me." Jack mumbled to himself.

He got out and grabbed his bow staff, closing the door behind him. "This is your one out, Jerry." Jack told him. "I can do this myself."

"Dude, I'm not letting you attack the Black Dragons." Jerry said. Jack immediately tensed, ready to throw down Jerry if he did try to stop him. Jerry had gotten a lot better, was even good, but he wasn't Jack Brewer. "Not alone, anyway." Jack and Jerry Wasabied (it's a verb now. You're welcome) and made their way into the Black Dragons' Dojo with more badassery and swag than you can imagine.

"Black Dragons!" Jack challenged from the center of their mat. "Who wants a warm up?" Jack smirked and he and Jerry went back to back in defensive stances, Jack throwing his bow staff by the entrance. He may not actually need it. His bow staff was named Olivia. Jack always liked that name.

The Dragons arranged themselves into a full circle around the two Warriors. "Jack, are you sure this is a good idea?" Jerry asked quietly so as not to be heard by the Dragons.

"I gave you an out." Jack rolled his eyes. Jack tensed when the first Dragon came at him with a wild haymaker. He had no problem locking the arm and flipping him. "First day?" Jack said looking down at him.

"Yes!" the kid moaned, arching his back in pain.

Jack looked up in time to see a more seasoned front kick coming at him. Jack caught the foot with one hand and held it up as he stepped to the side and forcefully pushed the boy down by his chest.

This defense wasn't doing it for him. Jack needed to attack. His attack would still leave his half of the Dragons engaged with him and still leave Jerry's back covered.

One more kid approached Jack, but instead of defending, Jack pivoted on his toes to fully face him, planted his feet and front kicked high with his left to connect with the chin.

Jack transitioned by dropping his left leg and pivoting ninety degrees to the left. He had his next target coming up, so he crossed his left leg over his right, arched his side and brought his right leg back to kick it out with extreme force, connecting with the sternum.

Another Dragon tried to flank Jack's right side. Jack saw the half moon kick coming, it would have hit him right in the face if there had been connection. Jack dropped to the ground in a push up position, held himself on one arm, wrapping the free around the Dragon's leg, pulling it out from under him. Jack crawled over him to pseudo strike him, telling him to stay down.

A front kick caught Jack in the chest, sending him backwards. He turned it into a reverse somersault and came out with a jump, to send a flying punch to the Dragon's chest.

Jack had no more immediate threats. He looked around to find Jerry being pushed back by the remaining Dragons.

Jerry remained on his feet, but wasn't allowed to breath. He was stuck in an alternation of kick blocks and arm deflections. "Dude, a little help here?" Jerry called, getting a little winded.

Jack ran back to the wall, kicked off it and catapulted over Jerry, using Jerry's shoulders as an extra push off. He came down with a knee to the chest of two Dragons, leaving only Ryan and Frank standing.

Frank, as much as Jack hated to say it, was the Black Dragons' Kim. He was second best and feisty, but with none of Kim's wit and charm. Ryan was the closest thing to a Jack they had. Ryan was strong, tall and athletic, but he still wasn't Jack. The biggest thing Jack had over him right now... a ripped out heart with anger and rage as his only coping mechanism. In other words, Ryan was fucked.

Jack came out of the gate with a series of strong and hurried chops that nearly broke Ryan's defenses. Ryan caught one and tried to shove Jack off to create some space. He held on too long, allowing Jack to catch him with a well placed knee strike. Distance created in favor of Jack. Jack added a flying drop kick, sending Ryan to his back. In Ryan's credit, he kick upped, but right into a high front kick to the chin. Jack came back down to pivot on his right foot, his left knee raised towards his right hip and his body at a forty-five degree angle. He kicked his leg out with a left arch to bring it down on Ryan's shoulder, crumpling him to the ground.

With Ryan down, Jack looked to Jerry. Frank looked at Jack with fear in his eyes, opening a large enough window for Jerry to flip him and pseudo punch him, dropping his knee to Frank's chest to pin him.

The Black Dragons had been defeated in entirety. Jack stood tense and fuming in his victory. His anger and seething pain left his hunger insatiated and he needed a bigger challenge. He needed to feel... something. He needed to be cut down in anger and pain. Jack wanted to get hurt.

He turned to Jerry and he had the sickest smirk and devilish gleam in his eyes. Jerry mistook it for sadistic, but it was more masochistic. Jack wanted to be as broken on the outside as he was inside. He wanted his face, his ribs and his liver to match what was left of his soul... black, throbbing, smoldering and burning out slowly like a dying ember, and seemingly beyond hope.

"Ty!" Jack called out. "Ty!"

The sensei of the Black Dragons emerged from his office with crossed arms and a disappointed frown. "You're better than this, Jack." Ty told him seriously.

"I know." Jack replied coldly, his eyes dancing between the downed Black Dragons. "That's why I'm challenging you." Jack took his defensive stance.

"Jack, I understand what you're doing. The news of your parents was on the local news, and I'm telling you that this isn't going to help you." Ty motioned with with his hands between them.

"We won't know till we try." Jack wouldn't back down.

"Jack, you're good. Anyone can see that, but don't make the mistake of equating an unfinished time at Otai and being good among kids to years and years of experience and training."

"I know I won't beat you, Ty. That's the point." Jack admitted easily.

"Then why challenge me?" Ty leaned back deeper into the doorway, the frame holding him up. He knew Jack was too smart to attempt a rush.

Jack closed his eyes and his body tensed. "I want you to beat me." Jack mumbled.

"What?" Ty was sure he heard Jack, but humility was not one of Jack Brewer's virtues.

"I said I want you to beat me." Jack said louder with gritted teeth.

Ty shook his head in pity. "Jack, like I said, this won't help you." Ty said in a softer tone, understanding Jack's mission now.

"I felt pain before today. Now I feel hollow and anger. I preferred the pain because I could hold onto it." Jack explained. "It didn't feel so... surreal yesterday."

Ty pushed off the doorway and approached the boy. "I understand that, I do." Jack had to admit that he'd never seen the philosophical sensei side of Ty. He didn't think Ty had one. "But breaking your body to match your spirit won't make you feel better."

"Damn it, Ty! I don't expect to feel BETTER, I just want to feel!" Jack screamed, his composure dashed at his feet and his body shaking. "Blood, pain and sweat will let me know that I'm not living a fucked up dream! The idea that I might wake up and everything will be okay is killing me!" Jack was past tears, there were no tears left, only dry heaves and sobs, his chest rising up and down making him seem like he was twice his size.

"This is real." Ty took hold of his shoulders and shook him. "This is real." Ty forcefully tapped Jack's heart with his index finger. "This idea you have, what you think is going to help, isn't." Ty poked his head in the same fashion.

Part of Jack felt like he should have had this talk with Rudy, but Rudy knew Jack and his parents too well. He would have been too soft with him.

"The feelings you need to mend with are happiness and Love, Jack. Not hate and self loathing. They can help. I can't." Ty pointed behind him.

Jack scrunched his brow in confusion. He slowly turned around to see his dojo; Rudy, Milton, Jerry and finally Kim with a caring smirk. Of course she would wear that smirk now.

"That's what's real too, Jack. That's love, that's family. You're not alone. Spilling your own blood won't bring back the blood you've already lost." Ty said with a great exhale, getting wrapped up in Jack's saga himself.

Jack took a step back, and punched a fist into his other palm and bowed low as a quiet thanks to Ty. Ty returned the motion in respect and condolences.

Jack approached the group that smiled at him with not just sympathy, but with a love he couldn't mistake. That brought a tear to his eye. "I've been so stupid, guys."

"No Jack, not stupid, just misguided." Rudy said, reaching up to clasp a hand on his shoulder. "I'm your sensei, Jack. Anything you need, anytime, I'm here for you. That's not only my job but also what I want to give you."

Jerry came next. "Bro, I'm not good with the whole deep philowhatsits, but I'm always down to lift your spirits with a party." Jerry smiled, "WHOO!"

"Deep philosophy and discussions on world religion grieving mechanisms, I'm your man." Milton offered. Jack may not take him up on that, but Milton was a rational thinker that could always ground Jack with sound logic and ideas.

"Kim." Jack started before she could, "I'm so sorry." He wrapped her in an unexpected hug, but it took her no time to hug him back. "You've been there for me through everything and I've tried to push you away. I was stupid."

"You weren't stupid, Jack." Kim said with a chuckle as they pulled apart, maybe a little reluctantly. "You're in a whole new world full of pain, but it doesn't have to be lonely. No one said this would be easy, and it's not going to be." Kim wasn't a sugar coater by any means. "I'll be here for you. The entire road." she finished firmly.

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 **Be honest, do any of you listen to my chapter music suggestions?**


	5. Knocking on Heaven's Door

**Please listen to Bob Dylan's "Knocking on Heaven's Door.**

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Jack knew that one day he would be here, looking in the mirror while straightening a black tie. He never thought it would be so soon, so sudden. Jack always felt comfort in the hope that he would be able to prepare himself, to come to terms and be closer to ready. He didn't expect both his mom and dad to go with a snap of a finger. He wasn't in the same hemisphere when it happened. He knew there was nothing he could do, he didn't feel guilty. The thought that was poisoning the back of his mind was that he simply wasn't there. He wasn't at the scene, he wasn't at home, he was half a world away living out his dream while his parents breathed their last. How is Jack ever to come to terms with that?

He took a step back from the mirror and gave himself one more distanced look over. He cleaned up nice, he had to admit with a fake smile. He'd been practicing that smile all morning.

He stepped out of the bathroom and looked around the church, already filling up with friends and family, people he knew and a lot he didn't. They all knew who he was, though. He was the only child the... oh fuck... Jack was the lonely fucking orphan.

Jack took a deep breath and puffed his chest, trying to steel himself for the long gauntlet that was the hallway between the entrance and main of the church. All he could see were heads, red and teary mourners crying on each other and telling stories about the two people they would never know like Jack did. They understood that, and Jack knew they wouldn't let him through without some shared memory, a hug, a hand shake or a tear.

Jack took the plunge and went with a stride, trying to look closed off. Everyone saw what it was. A façade. He was broken and dying inside and his resolve was defending his insides with flying fists and foaming mouth. Why did everyone there feel like it was their sacred duty to break him? Couldn't they see he didn't want to break in front of them? That he wanted to stay strong?

Jack kept his promise to himself and made it through the tunnel, seeing Jerry and Milton at the end. "Hey guys. Thanks for coming." Jack hugged them each in turn. Jack avoided hugs as much as possible, especially today. For Jerry and Milton, he would make an exception. They were here for him. They loved him in a form that most of his blood didn't understand, didn't share with him. They were his brothers through fire, life experience and bond. To Jack, that said so much more than blood.

"How are you holding up, Jack?" Milton asked, he and Jerry both gently rocked Jack with a supportive hand on each shoulder.

"Well, I made it through the gauntlet." Jack pointed behind him. "You guys know me, right? What's the one thing I DON'T want to talk about today?"

"Your dead parents?" Jerry stated like it was any old guess. Jerry wasn't exactly... sensitive.

"You're feelings, how ripped apart and wide open on the inside you actually are and how hard you're trying to hide it?" Milton said with a similar tone to Jerry's. Milton was proving a point. Jack didn't want to recognize any kind of feeling today.

"Correct both times!" Jack said with a smile, pointing at both of them. "Why do they think they have to bust me open like a lobster then, hmm?"

"That's just an aspect of American funeral culture, Jack. Everybody wants to see everybody cry. That's just the traditional mood of these things. I hate to tell you this Jack, but I think you need to give yourself to them. You need to interact and share with them. You are your parents' only child. You knew them in a way that only you could. Why would you keep that memory to yourself and from them?"

Fuck did Jack hate it when Milton did this to him. "Fine, but not till the reception, not till after the cemetery."

"Whatever you need to do, Jack." Jerry assured him.

Jack pushed up the sleeve of his black suit coat to look at his watch. "Five minutes till go time, guys." Jack inhaled deeply again and let it out slowly. Jack's family was devoutly Catholic, and in 5th grade his dad taught him how to be an altar boy and Jack had stuck with it for a few years. It had been more years since he had done it.

He tried to think about the task at hand as the priest and the other altar boys formed up the opening procession. Where was Kim? He would definitely nee her warmth today and he wished he would have seen her before the funeral began. The opening hymn began and it was time to go.

Jack couldn't move as soon as he opened his eyes. Straight ahead of him, right where he needed to go were the caskets of his parents. He was supposed to march down there and just pretend that he was fine?

"We need to go, Jack." The priest whispered, Jack being the front of the line, having the procession cross. Jack swallowed deeply and nodded, his feet moving one in front if the other, as if on autopilot.

By the time he had got to the steps before the altar, his eyes were already red and his dam threatened to break. He couldn't help but to focus on the two giant boxes, one on each side of the altar. He placed the cross in the mount and went back down the steps to bow, his chin quivering and his whole body already shaking. He shuffled over to his pew and took his seat.

Rite after little rite was celebrated, and after each one a song was sung, and each song was like a pickaxe chipping away at his shell, bringing him closer and closer to breaking down.

It was time to set up for communion, the mass nearly over. The words said by the priest over his parents was the last straw. Jack couldn't hold back anymore and he erupted in tears and violent, not so quiet sobs. He hid his face in his hands and couldn't even try to fight back the feelings cascading like an avalanche, leaving powerless to do anything but weep.

"Jack, Jack. It's your turn." One of the altar boys tried to arouse Jack from his anguish, but it went on blocked ears. Jack couldn't move right now if he wanted to. What Jack did feel was a strong hand on his shoulder from behind him. He turned around long enough to see a smiling but glassy eyed Rudy. Rudy was there for him, right behind him. Jack squeezed Rudy's hand and submitted to a fit of tears and pain like he had never experienced before. It was frightening to Jack that he could feel this strongly and feel so fucking weak.

Jack had to get up, had to receive communion around the altar with the priest, other altar boys and Eucharistic ministers. Again his feet moved him on autopilot. He tried to recompose himself, to not let the entire congregation see how broken and alone he was. All bets were off when he felt a pair of eyes pulling on him, begging him to feel it.

When he turned, he locked eyes on Kim. There she was with that perfect golden blonde hair down, falling over the shoulders of her navy blue pea coat with brass buttons. She was gorgeous. Seeing her brought a smile to his face, but she saw how much pain he was in, just how much he was fighting and clawing inside to stop the seemingly endless tears escaping his eyes. Seeing him like this broke any kind of resolve Kim Crawford had, and she cried with him.

This so intimate interaction with Kim, the transfer of her love and support for him was so much with the cold and the loss he was currently feeling. It took all the strength, he had, physically and emotionally to keep on his feet. He wished to God he could just fall and have the floor catching. He didn't think it was possible for him to hurt anymore than he was now.

Communion ended and it was time for the final procession and the playing of We Shall Gather At the River. Jack knew what it meant. It was time for the send off, to say goodbye and though he was standing, he felt like he was flat on his back with someone jumping on him, squeezing every bit of air out that Jack had. God, how could one person hurt so much and feel so alone? What the fuck kind of life was this?

Jack again headed the procession with the great cross held high. He couldn't have bared walking behind the caskets, walking behind his parents one last time like a big kid. God fucking damn it did he feel like just a stupid big kid. He wasn't fucking ready for this!

Jack was crying so hard people tried to reach out and touch him, telling him he was okay. It was like walking in a torrential downpour, his tears coming out at such a rate. His entire face was soaked and the priest had to lead him out with a guiding hand, because he couldn't even see where he was going.

They had finally made it out and someone had taken the procession cross before he dropped it, Jack falling on a bench himself. He had no strength left, he was too far gone. His elbows dug into his knees after he crumpled, his hands holding up his head that felt like there was no neck to support it.

The caskets were wheeled to the doors of the church where two Hearses patiently waited take his parents away and put them six feet down to rest.

"Jack, it's time to say good bye." The priest rubbed circles on his back and sat next to him. "I know it hurts, Jack."

"I can't do it... I can't!" Jack shouted through his cries, shaking harder and shooting pleading glances at the priest as if there was anything he could do. Jack knew e couldn't do any more than he had.

"Help me up." Jack requested of the graying man. The priest understood that Jack couldn't bare this cross alone, and he physically couldn't find the strength to carry on any more. The priest was more than obliged to help this young man in his hour of need, to help Jack carry this cross for his parents just a little bit farther.

Jack stood at the heads of the two caskets and fell upon that of his father. He hugged the cold box as tight as he could, his body sore from the exertion. "Can you feel that, Dad?" Jack mumbled weakly, his body exhausted from shakes and wailing. "Can you feel that? I miss you so much!" Jack fell to his knees, unable to stand, his arms wrapped around his father's body, even through the casket. His hands were on the cold lid but his heart could feel his dad's body, the way his dad's body shook when he would laugh while hugging his son after his first day of kindergarten. Jack cried out in sorrow and uncontrollable love and admiration for his fallen hero and father.

The priest was there again, picking up Jack under the arms and draped him over his mother's casket, knowing what he needed next.

"God mom, I'm so sorry! I never thought anything could hurt this much! I should have been there for you your last year! You never listened to me when I told you, but you're so young? Why mom? Why dad?" Jack kissed his mother's casket and held a hand on them both as his knees buckled.

The priest was there again, trying to help Jack up but Jack wouldn't budge. He knew what his leaving them would mean. An altar boy had to get Jack's other arm as they brought him to the vestments room.

They pulled out a chair and sat him at a table. Immediately Jack's red, soaked face hit the table with force as he was unable to hold it up himself. He didn't even register the physical pain as he tried to get as fetal as the chair would let him.

The priest and the altar boys shed their robes as quickly as possible. Before the father left, he put a hand on Jack's back and said, "Thank you, Jack. Your mother and father would have been so proud." That simple praise brought Jack's cries to a new found level of intensity, _your mother and father would have been so proud._

Jack was left alone to his tears that now ran off the table and dampened a bit of the floor. He hadn't thought it possible to cry for this long and this hard.

Jack didn't register the sound of the door opening and clicking shut. "Hey." Kim's soft and shaky voice did register. He looked up from the table to make eye contact with his closest friend.

The sight of the tough, the impossible and strong Jack Brewer crying his eyes out and helpless against this pain was enough to break Kim right there. She never wanted to think of him like this, to see him so hurt, vulnerable and broken. He was here though, needing someone and that someone was going to be her.

With deep breaths and leaking eyes, Kim took his hand and held it, rubbing small circles. She didn't say anything, what could she say? That everything was going to be okay? She couldn't tell him that now.

Jack spoke first in a rough and dry voice that didn't sound his own."Why..." he cleared his throat with great effort,"Why did they have to go, Kim? I didn't ask for this, they didn't ask for this. They were such good people with so much more to do and now their gone!" Jack couldn't control the power of his voice with those last words. "I love them so much, Kim. So much."

"Hey, come here." Kim said as she got up from her chair with wobbly legs. Jack looked up and saw her standing with open arms, walking towards him. He scooted his chair out and she sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders, crying into his hair.

He pulled her tight against him and buried his head into her side as the uncontrollable shrieks of pain and the flow of hot tears kept coming, soaking into Kim's jacket. "Let it out, Jack. Please, let it out." She coaxed him, knowing that this what he needed. He didn't need an ear, he didn't need someone to talk to. He needed someone to cry all over, someone to hold that would pull him just as tight and cry with him. Kim fit that bill.

The door opened and neither of them tried to move, neither of them looked up. Nothing mattered right now more than what was already taking place: Jack letting it all go and having someone who cared for him there to catch him.

"Jack." It was Rudy, talking softly and taking Kim's chair that she had vacated to hold Jack. "You did great up there, champ. You were so strong." Rudy told him with a tearful smile. Milton had been right. Everyone saw everybody cry.

"No I wasn't!" Jack shouted back, nuzzling deeper into Kim who was kissing the top of his head and rubbing his back, still cradled in his lap. "My dad taught me how to be an altar server and I fucked up, Rudy! I forgot what my dad taught me!"

"No Jack, no." Rudy reached forward and grabbed hold of his forearm in a strong grasp, telling Jack he was there and strong for him. "Don't you think for a second you fucked up, Jack. You did the best you could because they are your parents and you love them. They needed you one last time and you were there, you delivered so well, son! Don't think for a second you did anything wrong!"

Jack opened one arm and Rudy knew what to do without question. He rocketed out of his seat and took Jack and Kim in a tight group hug, holding his students, his kids, his FAMILY in the strongest hold he could manage.

Jack was here, with so much to face, so much to fight. If there's one thing he knew, his friends wouldn't leave him to drown. Like in everything else,they were there for him, with him, to hold him and with him to fight. Wasabi.

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 **This chapter is dedicated to a dear friend that left this world too early, four years ago. I miss you every day and it never gets easier.**


	6. Radio

**Please listen to "Radio" by He Is We, and "In The Dark" by Olivia Holt**

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Much to everyone's surprise, Jack was at school Monday. They questioned silently if that was a good idea, but besides being more quiet than usual, he seemed like Jack.

Since the funeral, he stayed a lot closer to Kim. He texted her more and even called about nonexistent homework he "thought they had." He knew it wasn't real. He just needed an excuse to hear her voice. Jack stayed closer in the halls and found reasons to steal the smallest touches that he thought went unnoticed.

Jack's life was a total push and pull affair lately. Some days he felt like he was going to make it, like he could feel normal again. Some days he felt like getting out of bed was pointless and he just laid there long enough, he could fade away. That wasn't him though, so he dragged his ass out of bed!

Other days, like today, he would feel fine but then his mood would change faster than the weather in fall. A sunny disposition would turn dark and gloomy, leaving him feeling cold and as clichéd as it was... alone.

Those are the days, the moments, that Jack thanks whoever's up there for Kim Crawford. She always reads him, knows when she needs to be there. She's there with a smile or a joke, a quick brush of her hand over his to show him warmth, or a full hug. All he had to do was ask with his eyes.

It's been a week since the funeral, and Jack is teeter-tattering on the border of losing his mind and having control of himself. This is one of the hardest days of Jack's life. His emotions are hyper sensitive on the one week anniversary of his parents funeral. The smallest things have been breaking him down today. A laugh that sounds like his dad, a giggle eerily similar to his mom's.

Jack finally breaks during Health, the last class of the day. They're studying for a test they have soon, and the teacher decided the radio couldn't hurt. He just had to put it on the classic rock station. They just had to play Let It Linger by the Cranberries. His parents' song.

As soon as it began, Jack's head slowly tilted up, hoping he wasn't hearing what he thought he heard. His breath caught in his chest and everything felt heavy, he felt like he was in a vacuum. All he could hear was his drumming heart and that damn song. He didn't register Kim's voice, asking if he was okay, he didn't register her hand squeezing his.

Jack did register that he had to get the fuck out of there. He sprang from his seat and darted for the door, nearly tripping on the way. He didn't register the teacher or Kim calling after him.

Kim skidded out into the hallway and looked both ways for her favorite flight risk. There he was, storming down the hallway and B-lining for the exit. Didn't he know that they were in the middle of a huge thunderstorm? The weather seemed to match his current attitude.

Kim had to literally run to catch up with him. "Jack!" she shouted in his face, now standing in front of him with both hands on his biceps. "Jack, calm down!" Kim pleaded.

Jack's eyes turned cold yet still somehow burning. He pointed a finger at her and opened his mouth to speak. He wanted to shout, to ask how the hell could she tell him to calm down, but he saw the hurt in her eyes just then. She expected a lashing and braced to take it with grace.

God, he couldn't do that, not to her. Not to the girl that hasn't left his side once, not to the girl that has held him and cried with him so many times over these past two weeks.

Jack faltered and dropped his arm, his chin falling to meet his puffing chest in shame of himself.

Kim sighed and opened his arms to him. "Come here." Kim said quietly and let Jack wrap himself up in her much smaller frame. She was like a drug to him, so calming and grounding. When he wanted to kick, punch and even cut away his feelings, she was there and keeping him from hurting himself or doing something stupid like that second day when she found him drunk and bleeding. She didn't give up on him then, and he loved her for it.

"What's going on Jack, what triggered it?" Kim asked, before taking his hand and sprinting to his car. They didn't need to be interrupted right now.

"The radio played their song." Jack mumbled as they sat down in his car, upset at himself for letting something so simple break his walls. It seemed harder and harder to rebuild them and keep them up. Kim was as much a support beam as his own stubborn training.

"Want to talk about it?" Kim offered and she resisted the urge to ring out her soaked hair.

Jack couldn't answer that question. It didn't register. All he could see was her soaked, dripping blonde hair that she tried not to soak his floor with. And sweet Aphrodite, those soft pink lips!

Kim noticed Jack's attention and couldn't help but turn a rosy shade. She could do nothing more but stare into his eyes, racked with pain but also... the need of relief. He needed to feel something positive, to feel something that could counteract the hollow cavity where his heart had been. One kiss couldn't hurt, could it?

"Kim, if you don't like this, please say something before I do something." Jack's voice was a mix of cracked and broken from holding back his pain, but also a little forceful to show Kim he really meant what he said. That combination, knowing what he wanted and what had been tearing him apart, with those eyes...

Kim broke first and threw herself at her poor boy, none too gently meeting his lips with her own. They tasted salty. The thought of it being from this morning's tears made her sink deeper into the kiss and she took control. She just wanted Jack to sit back and enjoy what her tongue could do for him.

Jack pulled away when they had to admit defeat to the necessity of oxygen. "Kim, I'm sorry I pressed you. It's just... you've been there for me so much no matter what, and you never ask for anything and you're so fucking gorgeous." Jack was throwing his words up at a mile a minute, his hands raking through his hair where her hands had just been.

Kim watched Jack's breathing pick up and the poisoned look on his face. He felt like he did something wrong in looking for a new level of affection, like it was wrong to want human connection at a time like this. Kim hooked a finger under his chin, forcing him to look at her.

Jack turned his eyes down, unable to look her in the eyes. She was his best friend and he felt like he used her. "I'm sorry, Kim." He closed his eyes and he felt like such a piece of shit. He was convinced it was a pity kiss and that was never what he wanted, not from Kim. He's thought so many times about he and her in this car, even this storm making everything so charged. Her taste was so fucking better than he'd expected, her tongue so much softer. But he didn't want it under these circumstances.

"Jack Brewer, you look at me right now." Kim's natural southern drawl escaped briefly in her harsh tone. When his eyes met hers, she was sure he felt like the kicked puppy he resembled. "I think you missed something, Jack. I kissed you. That was my tongue in YOUR mouth, remember?" Kim's voice stayed strong and she fought back her rising blush.

"Why?" Jack weakly mumbled out.

Kim scoffed and rolled her eyes at Jack. The look on his face was crushed like a stepped on pop can. She would have felt terrible if she didn't know what she was going to say next. "Because you needed it, and because I wanted to, Jack." She smiled softly when she saw the shocked look on his face. Not cocky or smug like she would have expected, but surprised, maybe even a little guarded.

"What?" Jack asked, not sure if he heard her right.

"You heard me, Jack. I wanted to. I've been with you these last two weeks. I've seen a side of you that nobody has ever seen. Whether you wanted to or not, you shared that with me. You could have ran and pushed me off because I saw that side of you. But guess what. I've caught those glances you've been throwing me, those little touches you sneak in that you think I don't notice? I caught every one of them. Why? Because I know you fucking care, Jack. Today in the hall, you almost blew up on me. I was ready because people can't always control themselves when they're nearly dying from grief. But you did, Jack! You stopped because it was me. Because you couldn't hurt me. If that's not love, Jack, I don't know what is."

Jack was stunned, completely stunned. He had no idea Kim had caught so much, that she was onto him like that. Every damn word she said was the truth, right on the mark. How could he not love everything that was Kim Crawford? Here's how... wait, no, he couldn't.

Jack was pensive, obviously thinking.

"Jack, we don't have to take this as a relationship opener. Things are all over the place right now and you don't know where your heart is. You're not going to hurt me if you say you want to wait, to get a hold of your feelings first. It's okay." She took his hand and squeezed it, always there, always solid and real to hold on to. Because if that wasn't love, Jack didn't know what was.

"Kim, I've cared about you, crushed on you, wanted, no, needed you... for so long. I've always gone through life hiding and being tough. That works with everyone but you. You said it yourself that I've shared a side of me no one but you has seen. That's why I can't ask you out right now. I want to, but I don't want you to say yes because of pity. I don't want you to because you think I need it." Jack shuddered at the idea of holding Kim down, but he was sure she cared for him, loved him. But was it more than the love of a friend?

"Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"Go out with me."

"But..."

"Go out with me."

"Kim, I..."

"Go out with me."

"Okay." Jack yielded with a smile. That persistence, that glow in her brown eyes making them look like amber, God he's wanted to call those eyes his since the first time he'd seen them.

Kim was no better. Jack was smarter than he let on, he made her feel safe no matter what was going on around them. He had always been a strong, loyal friend that would always be there, and the two of them as a couple, she could only see them being better and happier. This was not a thing of pity. This was a thing three years in the making that came out at an unexpected time.

"Come here." Kim called him back and captured his lips like she'd wanted to for so long.

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Jack laid in bed that night, his head swimming with mixed images of Kim and his parents, respectively. His heart soared, and then it dropped to his feet, then soared again. He wasn't used to this roller coaster in his chest. He would take the ups and downs over just downs, tunneling deeper to the point where he didn't think he could climb up again.

The drastic scale made his chest pound and he honestly loved the feeling. Why? Because it made him feel alive. It wasn't just straight numb and burning tears. It proved to him that he could feel more than pain or nothing. This new mix of feelings felt like a drug.

There was something bigger on his mind, a different drug. A hot, smart, funny, caring blonde drug that he missed every time he couldn't see her. It was 10:00 pm on a Friday. She was up.

With no more thought than that, Jack got dressed again and took off.

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He parked roughly a block from Kim's house and walked the rest of the way, coming up behind her house.

Climbing the scaffolding that went to her window was no problem for his physical background. Jack was lucky that Chuck was too busy to quickly finish the repainting job he had been working on for over a month.

Jack looked through the parted curtains of Kim's room to see her laying on her side, watching Supernatural. Of course it had to be THAT episode of Season 2 (If you know you're Supernatural, you know the episode).

He tapped lightly on her window and she rolled over to see what it was. She rolled back and Jack thought she honestly ignored him. Was he unwelcome?

Kim rolled over again and jumped to the window. Had she not registered Jack was at her window? She was that surprised! Jack could only laugh.

"Oh my God, Jack." Kim whispered, helping her in her now open window. "What are you doing here?" She wasn't upset to see him, only surprised and maybe a little worried.

"It was too quiet at my place. I couldn't handle it." He explained as Kim wrapped him up in a tight hug. "You don't mind, do you?"

Kim answered that question not with words, but a soft yet passionate kiss. "There's just so many problems I have with my lonely boyfriend sneaking into my room with my parents just downstairs." Kim rolled her eyes with a smile. "Wanna watch some TV?" She asked and pointed behind her to her modest flat screen. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't a baby either.

"Do I get to be the big spoon?" Jack asked, absentmindedly rubbing his knuckles up and down the soft skin of her arm.

"Fuck no." Jack couldn't keep a straight face at Kim's response, only able to chuckle as he went to her bed, laying down at the front of it.

She was only kidding, and she thought he knew that. He either didn't, or he was going to let her have this one anyway.

Kim knew Jack wasn't going soft. She had seen his raw power tear the head off a training dummy. She had seen him lay out the entire Black Dragon Dojo in rage and anger. Jack Brewer wasn't soft, but he was human after all. She was so used to him making her feel safe, she was more than okay with making him feel safe for once.

She snuggled up behind him and draped an arm over his toned obliques and rested her hand on his tight belly. She laid her head on his broad shoulder and sighed contentedly as she cued up the next episode.

Jack had a long way to go, but with this girl, he found proof that his parents' deaths were not the end of his life. There was pain, but he could dull it. There was sadness, but there was comfort as well. Later, there would be unbridled happiness. He just wished mom and dad could be there to see it.

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 **I feel like I'm losing readership, which is understandable. This chapter is a little happier, and some needed plot progression. I'm not going to kick Jack around for the sake of kicking Jack around. This story has a purpose, one I'm trying to get through my own head.**


	7. That's My Job

**Please listen to "That's My Job" by Mr. Conway Twitty.**

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Jack moaned an unintelligible sigh in his sleep and rolled over, nuzzling unconsciously into Kim's shoulder. She almost nuzzled back when Jack was forcefully rolled back over.

Jack's eyes shot open to see the face of Chuck Crawford looking back. "Oh sweet baby!" Jack was saying but was cut off.

"Oh sweet baby nothing, Brewer!" Chuck replied with a sadistic smile. "Coffee, anyone?" It was a statement, not a question.

"Da... dad!" Kim squeaked in shock. There was no way that she wasn't grounded forever and no way Jack wasn't dead.

"Morning, baby." Chuck smiled sweetly at her, his eyes matching. "Brewer." Like a flip of a switch, his voice was back to cold and murderous, his eyes threatening death at having found this sight.

"Wait a minute..." Jack surveyed the scene. "I'm not dead, and there's three coffee mugs here. How log have you known I was here?" Jack questioned, rubbing the last of the sleep from his eyes.

"Nice work, Jack. You are still alive." Chuck's smile now seemed genuine. "I've known since I watched you climb my scaffolding last night. Saw it from the kitchen."

"And you didn't cause Jack great bodily harm less than murder?" Kim couldn't help but ask. Jack seemed oddly okay with the wording. He must of thought the exact same.

"No, no I didn't. There's a reason for that, Jack." Chuck waited till they both sat up. He handed each one a mug. "Of course, I trust my Kimmy Bear. Oddly enough, I trust you, Jack." Chuck chuckled at the looks on both their faces. "I know. The only dad to ever trust his daughter's boyfriend."

"I thought that was impossible." Jack mumbled, still shocked.

"Listen Jack, I like you, and I trust you. You've known my Kim since you moved here, and you've only hurt her by not being with her. I'm her dad, I can tell when she's had a good day and when she hasn't. I can tell on what parts of that you've played."

"Mr. Crawford, I would never hurt your daughter, or let anyone else hurt her." Jack said with all the honesty in the world, and Chuck smiled at that.

"Listen kiddo, after you two got close, me and Sarah (Kim's mom) wanted to meet your parents, to see who was raising our daughter's new best friend. We liked what we saw and we became close. All those poker games your parents went on, all those games we kicked you out of the house for Kim, weren't poker games. Double dates with the Brewers."

Kim and Jack were beyond the childish "ewww"s that would usually have been voiced. This subject was too serious for that kind of addition, anyway.

"You were close with your parents, Jack, I know that. Anything involving my daughter, Ted and Zoe told us first. Hell, the four of us knew you liked each other before you two knew. Brings me up to our next little topic."

Jack swallowed deeply because the look in Chuck's eyes told him exactly where this was going. "Mr. Crawford, do we have to..." Jack began. He wasn't in the mood to open any scabs. When he drifted off last night, he was happy. He felt safe in a bubble that Kim wouldn't let pop while she held him. Before last night, Jack never would have thought about being the little spoon.

"Jack, we should talk about this." Chuck held him down by his shoulder. You're safe here. What I'm about to say is between us." Chuck lowered his head and looked at Jack expectantly.

"Okay." Jack swallowed thickly.

"Jack, I saw you at your mother and father's funeral. I saw how torn you were. I've seen and heard other situations you've been in where fully grown men couldn't have been leaders. I also saw the way you and my daughter held onto each other that day. I knew just by seeing you two, how innocent and pure you two are to each other." This was so weird coming from Chuck Crawford. "You're in pain after what happened, and my Kimmy here, is the best thing in your life right now. I won't stop what you two have going because of the stereotypical overbearing father act. Your parents raised you to the point where I don't have to do that. Hell, even have sleep overs. Here. With the door open."

"Understood." Jack nodded.

"You two proved I can trust you. Exhibit A being that your fully clothed, Jack. Your socks are still on." Chuck smiled and left the room.

Kim sat speechless at everything that just happened. Jack nervously chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. "Did he just say that we... that he's okay with..." Kim couldn't get the words out.

"Yeah, I think he did." Jack looked her in the eyes and they held each others gaze for a good three minutes before they fell into a fit of laughter and fell all over each other too, not sure what deep connection they were expecting to find there.

"Girls, get down here!" Chuck shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming!" Kim squeaked in reply as Jack tickled her. "Stop it, Jackelyn!" Kim mocked after her dad had called him a girl. She crawled over Jack without a touch of grace when she could have easily went around.

Jack was laughing harder than he had in weeks, and he barely recognized the sound. Kim was almost out of reach from Jack's position on her bed, but Jack shot out his hand and smacked her ass, causing her to jump and yelp. It didn't hurt, it was just completely unexpected.

Kim ran and Jack chased after her till they reached the stairs. Continuing the game would be a safety hazard, of course.

Once in the living room, they found Rudy sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

"Rudy, are you okay?" Jack asked nervously. Jack needed the answer to be no. He couldn't handle anymore bad news, even if it only involved Rudy. Jack loved Rudy and would be there for him day or night, but Jack couldn't fix anything if he was still fighting himself.

"No I'm not okay, Jack!" Rudy spit out Jack's name. "I've been calling for an hour and I just came from your house." Rudy's worry was evident but also fading. "Wait... why are you both here?"

"I live here." Kim said a little offended.

"We've been waiting here for you. Where have YOU been?" Jack deflected, and he caught Chuck's smirk.

"What do you mean?" Now Rudy was confused and felt a little foolish.

"You told me last night in a text that I should meet you here because me and Kim live so close." Jack's bull shit was flowing smoothly.

"Oh, that's right! I need to stop texting and using the Bahktopinish with Phil..." Nobody even wanted to know what that was and why Rudy was doing it with Phil. Jack was just glad Rudy bought his lie.

Jack and Kim's eyes flew open when it dawned on them what was going on. They had a tournament in Seattle!

"You should all get going. Seattle is a long way from here." Sarah said, wrapping an arm around her giant husband. Jack could see where Kim caught her looks. Sarah was a tall blonde with legs that went for miles. She had a beautiful face and curves to match. How was Kim so short though... It just made Kim more adorable anyway.

Kim walked to her parents and kissed them each on the cheek. "Bye mom, bye dad. I'll keep you updated." Kim went to the door and waited for Jack, Rudy already in the car.

"Come here, young man." Chuck said sternly.

Jack walked over hesitantly, not sure what to do.

Chuck stuck out a hand and Jack took it. "We'll be rooting for you too, Jack. Kick ass and take care of our girl." Chuck didn't let go of his hand and pulled him into a bro hug.

"I will, Chuck. To both of those. Hopefully not in the same situation." Jack wasn't too afraid of that. It had happened so many times before. Fresh from Otai, Jack had never been more ready.

Sarah held her arms out for a hug and raised her eyebrow, challenging the young black belt to decline.

Jack rolled his eyes good naturedly and accepted Sarah's hug. "Be careful, Jack. We don't need you coming home in some kind of cast because you're too stubborn to quit." Sarah said before letting him go.

"I'll be careful. I'll be back in one piece." Jack promised, giving a bit of a squeeze at the end of the hug. The speeches Chuck and Sarah gave him were very similar to his parents' own send offs, and it moved him.

Jack left with Kim just a little ahead of him. "I saw that little squeeze you gave my mom. There's no Stacy's Mom situation going on, is there?" Kim joked.

"No, Kim." Jack chuckled. "It's just... I don't know..." Jack couldn't find the words.

Kim knew what he meant. She took hold of Jack's hands and pulled him in for a quick kiss, there lips doing less than brushing. She remembered Rudy was waiting and they were still in front of her house. "I'm sorry, Jack." Kim frowned, knowing that her parents showing the two of them that kind of protective care left him feeling alone.

"It's okay." Jack sighed, reigning himself in. "I'll get used to it." Jack shrugged and held onto her hand until it slipped out of Kim's grasp. His words broke her heart and froze her to the walk way. _"I'll get used to it."_ Moving was something to get used to. A new school, a new car, a new job were things to get used to. The loneliness from the loss of your parents wasn't something a seventeen year old boy should have to get used to.

"Kim." Jack called back to her softly to get her to move, but also as a way to say 'It's fine.' It wasn't.

"How are we getting to Seattle again?" Jack asked, scratching his head.

"Bobby's flying us." Rudy said as he started the car. "Jack, are you sure you're okay to compete? If you're not, it's totally cool." Rudy said, trying not to apply pressure.

"I'm fine, Rudy. I'm going to do what I always do. I'm going to win no matter what. You know what else? I feel sorry for the guy that has to face me."

"That's the spirit, Jack. Just try not to kick this guy's head off, too."

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The tournament was under way and the Wasabis were roughly 2/3 for wins and losses (this including new students and Jerry and Milton). Kim was up and she was more than ready. She had more than a little frustration to unleash on this poor guy.

Kim looked at the 6'1" opponent across the dojo from her and then to her boyfriend who was looking pensively at his hands. He had been for most of the tournament.

"Jack?" Kim's voice came softly.

"Hmm." Jack looked up with watery eyes. He stood up, taking her hands. He thought it was her about to ask for good luck. "Sorry, this is about you right now." Jack cupped her face in his hands and was blown away by the smoothness of her skin just like every time.

"No, it's not that." She looked down, a little embarrassed by him thinking that's what she meant. "Are you okay? I won't be able to focus knowing that you aren't. If you need to get out of here, we can. You're more important than two fights." Kim offered in all earnesty.

God, did this girl ever stop being perfect?

"Kim, I'm okay. Do me a favor and make this ass hole wish I'd never caught him checking out my girl's ass." Jack kissed her forehead and gently pushed at both her shoulders to playfully create space.

Kim was fuming that someone was checking out her ass. Someone besides Jack, of course. "That's it!" Kim shouted and turned around, ready to hurt this guy.

She squared up and when the referee motioned for the fight to begin, Kim ran up and used his leg to climb his side and wrap her legs around his torso while ripping on his arm. The much larger young man fell to the ground with Kim still holding on like a blonde boa constrictor. He had to tap before Kim ripped his arm off and beat him with it.

The ref pulled Kim off the poor man who was seething in pain and held her arm high. He let go and Kim went back to her fallen opponent who still had yet to get up. She plopped herself down and looked at him with a cute smile. "Hi, I'm Kim." She addressed herself in a bubbly and seemingly happy manner. "If I ever hear you looked at my butt again," her face immediately turned dark and her eyes stormy, "I will dislocate every one of your limbs and extremities." Her smile was back. "Bye!" Kim hopped up and went to Jack's outstretched arms.

"I don't know what you threatened to do to that guy, but great win!" Jack kissed her head and then held her out at arm's length, that same distanced look in his eye again.

"Jack." Kim said, letting him know she could see something was wrong. She was going to make him talk. She knew she had to if he was going to be able to focus. This wasn't about him winning, but about his safety.

"Sorry, Kim. It's just... this is my first meet without mom and dad being here, you know? Every fight, I can't help but look for them in the crowd. And every time I see they're not there..." Jack's voice hitched and he left dead air, closing his eyes.

Kim didn't know what to say. What was she supposed to say to that? Instead of failing at words, Kim stood on her toes and pressed her lips to Jack's chin that was trembling ever so slightly with his effort to hold off silent tears.

Jack opened his eyes and Kim kissed his lips. He kissed her back and pulled her in for a tight hug. "I can do this." Jack looked across the dojo to see his opponent wrapping his hands. He turned to see Kim with his wraps and she patted the bench, telling him to sit.

Jack did as told and his mind began to drift as Kim wrapped his hands herself.

 _"Daddy, why is it important for me to know karate?" Asked a ten year old Jack._

 _"Because, son, you meet people in this lifestyle called karate. People that will love you and make you stronger, and you will do the same for them. While I'm alive, it's my job to keep you safe with me, you see. One day, a long long time from now, I won't be able to keep you safe, but what I can teach you and what you learn will keep you safe. That's my job, that's what I do. Every day at work, every day at the dojo is to keep you safe with me. When I am gone, I will be in your head and in your heart." Ted pointed to Jack's head and his chest._

 _"If you're in my head and in my heart, how can you be gone?" Little Jack didn't understand, and the pure inquisitiveness and curiosity of youth blew his father's mind._

 _"That's the question, isn't it Jack? If I am in your head and heart, I'm not gone, am I?" Ted laughed at his son's unexpected childhood philosophy that only the young can bring to light._

 _"No daddy, you're right here. You're not going anywhere." Jack held open his little arms and his dad pulled him in tight._

 _"I love you son. I'll pick you up after practice."_

 _"Okay, daddy. Bye!" Jack let go of his dad and ran to join the other little boys and girls._

Jack's vision cleared and he realized a tear or two had streamed down his face. He looked down and saw his hands were all ready to go. He looked up to see Kim's eyes watching him in worry.

"It's okay, Kim." Jack genuinely smiled and pecked her lips. "My dad is here." Jack said with full believe and rose to his feet, taking Kim up with him.

"Go get 'em." Kim smiled back, her own eyes a little watery.

Jack stepped up and bowed to his opponent. The ref signaled for the fight. Jack's opponent threw the first punch and Jack easily maneuvered away, and did so for two more. The man was fast, Jack had to admit.

On the fourth punch, Jack caught the guy's wrist and held it while he drilled him with three hard knees to the stomach, then pushing him back. Jack followed up with spinning toe kicks to his left hamstring and calf, dropping him to one knee.

Jack went for a third kick that would have hit him in the back, but the Seattle kid caught Jack's leg and flipped him backwards. Jack looked up from his back and saw the Wasabis shouting for him to get up. His eyes landed on Kim. She remained quiet but her eyes had such faith in him. She knew he wasn't done.

Jack kicked up to his feet and took a defensive stance. The man came at him with a round house kick that Jack easily dodged. He came back up with an elbow to his opponent's back.

Jack turned around first and was able to plant his heel in the other guy's back, sending him face first into the mat.

The boy didn't give up and quickly got back up. This time he waited for Jack.

Jack approached with a series of cartwheels and caught the kid's forehead with a heel on the last wheel. The guy dropped and Jack was able to stay on his hands until the guy was fully down before he let his legs dead fall over the man's chest to earn the win. Otai had definitely taught Jack a thing or two. This was Jack Style, now.

"Jack, that was amazing!" Kim was ecstatic at her boyfriend's crushing victory.

"I've never seen anything like that! Where did that come from?!" Even Rudy was nearly speechless.

"That one was for you, Kim, because you believed I could do it even when I was flat on my back." Kim's smile was enough to warm his whole body. "That was for mom and dad too, because I know they're still here," Jack pointed to his head, "and here." Jack pointed to his heart. "They're not going anywhere."

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 **How do we feel about that one? Am I still doing okay? If so, I have more planned.**

 **Also, I really hope you all are taking that extra little bit of time to do the music homework I assign every chapter. Each song is hand picked by me. I have that song in mind or listen to it on loop while I write these chapters. They either inspire the chapters deeply, or I can see the plot of each chapter in the song. I hope you find that the music adds so much more to the story and visa versa. Thank you.**


	8. Sedated

**Please listen to "Sedated" by Hozier and "Low Life" by X Ambassadors.**

 **I know this is a little late for Thanksgiving, but stuff happened...**

 **Also, be advised, this chapter is pretty dark. Underage drinking, self harm included. Fair warning.**

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 _Fuck Thanksgiving_ was the only thought in Jack's head as we woke up on one of the biggest family holidays of the year. _What family_ , Jack smirked cynically. Jack just felt numb and cold, he was too pissed for tears. He didn't think this was a break down day. This was a stay home and do nothing but swallow his dad's liquor cabinet day.

Jack decided getting dressed outside of throwing on some pajama pants was unnecessary. Jack wasn't hungry, his stomach feeling as if it was completely absent. No need for breakfast.

 _Thanksgiving is all about family, isn't it?_ Jack decided to spend the day with his family. He made his way down stairs and searched the wooden entertainment center for his mom's home videos. Jack could just feel how great today wasn't going to be.

Why not start at his 5th birthday and work his way up. He had all day with no one coming over.

Jack popped in the tape and sat down on the couch, fully intent on keeping his composure at the sight of his parents and even his grandpa all still alive. His parents seemed so much younger, but their eyes and smiles had never changed. That observation made the first tear roll.

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By the third movie, Jack was gone. Any hold on himself he said he'd keep was gone and drowned in salty tears. He knew he was doing this to himself, but he didn't understand why he couldn't stop, why he felt so compelled to keep going. He went to play the fourth tape, but a knock at his door stopped him.

Jack paused to look at the state he was in. He was only in pajama pants and his hair was down, ruffled and all over the place from three hours of raking shaky hands through it. One question came to mind: _Why should I give a fuck?_

Jack opened the door on the final knock.

"Happy Thanksgiv..." Kim's broad smile fell instantly and her arms that were held out for a hug fell limply to her sides. "Jack?"

"Happy Thanksgiving, Kim." Jack croaked, his voice raw and scratchy.

"Jack..." Kim was at a loss for words, but she couldn't help but bring her hand to his cheek. Jack nuzzled into her touch but pulled away. Jack pulling away was the absolute sign that he wasn't having an easy day. The hair and red eyes could have done it, but Jack hadn't shied from her touch since the first week.

"You're gorgeous." Jack praised, trying to find his voice.

Kim couldn't help but blush. She stood before a half clothed Jack in a chocolate brown dress with a golden sash that looked like velvet, matching gold heels. Her hair was flawless in a silky smooth French braid. To the right.

"Donna Tobin's left braid can go to Hell." Jack chuckled, only half feeling the joke.

Kim gave a tight giggle, flattered but more worried about this Jack in front of her. "Jack, what's going on?"

"It's Thanksgiving. I'm spending it with my family." Jack's voice came out choppy and his tears glassed over his eyes. Kim's throat caught and those words alone were ripping her heart out. "It's just home videos, but I'll take what I can get."

"Jack, come back to my house. Have Thanksgiving with us. You don't need to be alone today." Kim offered, no, pleaded.

"Kim, go home and be with your family today. We can go out or do whatever you want tomorrow." With that, Jack moved to close the door.

"No, JACK!" Kim cried after him, but the door was closed. She knew he wasn't going to open up again for a while, so she could only slink back home and be miserable all day.

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Kim opened her front door and slammed it behind her, throwing the keys onto the little side table before she weightlessly plopped down on the couch.

"Everything okay, Kimmy Bear? You almost took the door off the hinges." Chuck laughed, sitting in the Lazy Boy across from her.

Kim didn't speak, only dropping her head into her hands and began to cry. Hot tears trickled down her face and fell into the soft cream colored carpet.

"Baby, what happened?" Sarah asked, drying her hands on a towel and sitting next to her daughter, pulling her into a hug.

"I went to see Jack." Kim sniffed. "He was already crying when I got there. He was a mess. He said I was gorgeous, and then I asked him what happened. He said he was spending Thanksgiving with his family. He was just watching home videos but he said he would take what he could get." Kim said through unbridled sobs.

"Oh, that poor boy!" Sarah exclaimed a few tears of her own breaking away. "He's torturing himself alone over there."

"He slammed the door in my face! I couldn't help him!" Kim cried harder and pulled her mom tighter, refusing to let her go. She stuck out an arm, motioning for Chuck to join in a group hug. "I love you guys so much." Kim shuddered in her mom's shoulder. "I'm so thankful for you, even if I don't always show it."

Jack's pain and the Hell he has been in, still was in, made Kim so much more aware of just how good she had it. She had two great parents that loved her and took care of her day after day. "Jack's over there alone and hurting while I have two beautiful parents who love me. What does Jack have?"

Chuck and Sarah understood now where this was coming from. "It's okay, Kimmy. We'll check on him after dinner. We'll bring him a big ole' plate and some dessert. I think he just needs some alone time to cry it out, you know?" Chuck promised, kissing the top of Kim's head.

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Jack dropped the shot glass to the floor and chuckled, cold and dead. He didn't even know what he was chuckling at. He looked up again at the TV to see the same still frame he had paused it on half an hour ago: He with his parents, and Kim with hers. All of them together at the last tournament before Otai.

"Is that what this is about, mom? Otai?" Jack asked the empty room, his body swaying back and forth. "I left so you left? You know what's different, mom? I came back." Jack thumped his chest. "What about you dad, hmm?" Jack opened his arms as if challenging, waiting for a reply.

"Alright, don't talk." Jack scoffed and rolled his eyes. "That's the funny thing, dad. I have you here," Jack poked his own chest, "and here." Jack pointed to his head. "'Then they're not really gone, are they?'" Jack parroted what he had heard so many times.

"But where are you?" Jack scoffed again. "I'm here. Alone. Where are you? WHERE ARE YOU?!" Jack pounded his thigh, hoping physical pain would draw away from his heart.

"And you, you bearded fuck." Jack pointed a shaky finger at the ceiling, staring up. "You're all powerful, huh? Then where were YOU?! Why didn't you stop it? Why didn't you save them? Did they deserve it? Then why am I in pain, and they don't feel? If I did it, why am I not dead? You want to see me hurt, that's it."

Jack stood up and wobbled before going to the bathroom. It took effort in his state, but he was able to break the razor. Taking the blade between his fingers, he looked up again and asked, "Is this what you all wanted?"

Without taking his eyes from the ceiling, he dragged a slow, shallow line across his left wrist. "I still don't hear anyone." He dragged another, going deep enough to draw more than a trickle of red. "Hmm. Still nothing." A third.

Jack began to feel the endorphins, that with the alcohol made for a very light headed young man. Without a chance to stay up, he fell back and slid down the wall, realizing he now sat in his own blood. "How much do you want from me?" Jack scowled. He made two decent slashes on his right forearm now. "I guess I'll just see you three up there. Jack went to make a matching set of each arms, but exhaustion and his self-punishment took over, causing him to fall into a deep sleep.

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Kim, Chuck and Sarah walked up to Jack's door with left overs and fake smiles. Kim guessed Jack could see through it, but she had to try.

Kim knocked and waited, knocked and waited. The third time she pounded and hollered, "Jack, you okay in there?!"

When there was still no answer, Chuck's face paled and his skin turned clammy. "Ladies, stay here." Chuck ordered and went inside.

Chuck closed the door behind him and listened, but heard no sound. He didn't see Jack. He swept the house, checking where he knew Jack would be last, hoping he wasn't there, hoping he was wrong himself.

The bathroom door wasn't even closed. There was Jack, back against the wall with eyes closed and head down. "Fuck." Chuck exhaled, dropping to the boy's side. He felt his knees dampen and he looked down. He was kneeling in Jack's blood.

Chuck fished for his phone and called Sarah. "Sarah, we have a problem. I need you in the bathroom. Make sure Kim doesn't go past the living room." Chuck ordered and Sarah knew not to ask.

Sarah went in and stopped at the couch. She guided Kim by her shoulders to sit down. "Kim honey, stay here for a while, okay?"

"Mom, why are you talking to me like I'm five?" This wasn't a common thing. Kim was terrified right now.

"Me and your dad need to take care of something we don't think you should see." Sarah vaguely explained.

"Mom, if something's wrong with Jack..." Kim tried to stand up, but Sarah pushed her back.

"Kim, please. Stay here. For Jack." Sarah didn't know what Chuck walked in on, but she could tell by his voice on the phone that Jack wouldn't want his Kim to see this.

Kim nodded and Sarah went to find Chuck. The bathroom door was closed so she knocked gently before going inside. As soon as she did, she gasped and closed her eyes. She'd known Jack since he was fourteen. She never thought she'd see him blacked out and in his own blood, caused by his own hands.

Jack hadn't cut dangerously deep and didn't have enough time to lose serious blood, but no part of this was pretty. No part of this was okay.

Chuck was next to the boy, giving him homemade stitches. Chuck's time in the National Guard had served him well, outside of helping him get the muscled physique he enjoyed.

"He'll be okay. He lost more blood than I'd like, but he's not in fatal danger." Chuck explained. "Help me clean this mess up?" Chuck asked with hopeful eyes as if Sarah could possibly leave him holding the bag. "We can't take him to the hospital. They'd just try to put him in some kind of ward and drug him up until he "feels better." Chuck said cynically. Jack needed love and support, not some kind of facility ran by quacks that gave him his own room and made him share his feelings in group talks. Jack slipped up, but it didn't mean Chuck was going to give him up to "professionals".

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The short amount of time her parents were gone felt like hours. Kim was jittery and couldn't calm down. What did Jack do? What didn't they want her to see? She was seventeen. She was sure she could handle it.

Kim got up to go see for herself, but her dad came around the corner. He was holding an obviously unconscious Jack. His arms were wrapped in gauze. Why were his arms wrapped? Why was he so pale like that?

Kim wasn't able to speak, she wasn't able to move. What has Jack done to himself? "Da... daddy?" Kim didn't usually resort to 'mommy and daddy' but when she felt like a helpless little girl she did.

"He'll be okay, Kimmy. He's just a little rough right now." Chuck vaguely explained.

Kim's legs moved of their own accord so Chuck could lay Jack down on the couch. He looked lifeless. Kim stepped next to the couch to sit on the arm rest. She ran a hand through his hair to find it damp with cold sweat. "Why couldn't he have just came to our house?" Kim's eyes were full to the brim with tears. "Doesn't he know how much I love him?"

"Oh, baby." Sarah said as she went to wrap Kim in a tight hug. "I'm sure he knows, darling."

"Dad, how do we help him?" Kim asked, her voice shaky and her chin trembling.

"I... I don't know. Tommy never made it this long." Chuck whispered and bit his knuckle to hold back his own childhood memories.

"Who's Tommy?" Kim sniffed.

"Tommy was one of your mom and I's best friends growing up. Tommy's parents were in an accident like Jack's. Tommy always seemed fine. We never saw him cry. Not once. That should have told us... that should have been enough..." Chuck couldn't take it anymore, sitting down on the floor. Jack had broken the rest of the furniture.

"Tommy took his own life fifteen days after the accident. He was sixteen." Sarah's voice wasn't much better than Chuck's had been. "We're not going to let Jack go. Jack will be fine." Sarah Squeezed Kim again.

"I thought he was getting better." Kim said to no one in particular.

"Baby, Jack has a long way to go. He'll have good patches and back slides. We'll all be there for both." Chuck promised. "I don't know what led him to do this, but we'll figure out when he wakes up."

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 **I feel like that's enough for now, don't you?**


	9. Prove You Wrong

**This chapter's easier going than the last, I might even throw in some comedy, but let's see where it goes.**

 **Please listen to "Prove You Wrong" and "Pour Me Out", both by He Is We.**

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Jack woke up slowly and languidly, his body not in a hurry to move. He was on his couch, that much he knew. He looked around to see Chuck, Sarah, and Kim camped out on the floor around him with pillows and blankets from the closet his parents kept stocked for guests. They were all out cold.

His eyes focused on Kim. His Kim. She looked unsettled in her sleep when she should look so serene and peaceful. What had he done?

Jack sighed to himself. What had he been thinking? He thought he should spend Thanksgiving alone watching videos he knew would make him miserable and got drunk on top of that. His eyes trailed to his wrists. He did that, too. He was above that and he knew it.

Kim. Kim paid the price. Jack slammed the door in her face and locked it when she just wanted to be there for her. How could he keep doing that to this angel of a girl?

Jack couldn't. He couldn't put her through this. He was afraid tonight would be the straw that broke her back. It was the straw that broke Jack's back. He could have killed himself. He couldn't do that to Kim, to Rudy or any of the guys. Jack didn't trust himself alone but he couldn't suffocate Kim with himself. She might not say it, but she had to be tired of him by now.

Jack got up and made his way upstairs without even creaking. He went to his room and found his duffel bag he took on tournaments. Jack filled it with clothes, toiletries, and some personal items. Jack knew he had to leave. He had to leave behind this house, this big empty house that held three years of memory. He couldn't move on while he was here and he knew it.

Jack was all packed and made his way downstairs as quietly as he way up.

He found Kim still sleeping. Taking a seat next to her, he ran a hand through her hair, only a ghost of a touch. It was enough. "I'm sorry, Kim." Jack said, though he was sure she wasn't listening. "I fucked up. You're going to give me both barrels next time you see me," Jack chuckled, picturing the sight, "but I know what I did. It wasn't right by me, and it sure wasn't right by you."

Jack leaned down and kissed her soft lips, maybe holding it a little too long. He wanted more. Before he could think anymore about it, he got up and left without another look back.

When she heard the door, she opened her eyes and quickly sat up, hugging her knees to her. She heard everything. Soon as the electricity from Jack's touch coursed through her, she was up. She felt everything Jack channeled through that kiss: apology, caring, determination and love. He did know how much she loved him.

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"Oh my God, stop knocking!" Rudy groaned. "I'm coming!" Rudy saw the last thing he expected when he opened the door.

Jack Brewer stood at his door step with an awkward smile. The duffel bag in his hand didn't escape Rudy's eyes. Rudy didn't say anything. He simply opened the door wider and motioned for Jack to come in.

Jack entered Rudy's living room and dropped his bag as he plopped down on the couch. He leaned fully back and closed his eyes. Everything was happening so fast. He never expected to run away from home, especially when it was only him living there.

"You ah, you wanna talk, Jack?" Rudy sat down next to him.

"First off, I'm emancipated. I took care of that after my parents' funeral." That was the first time Jack mentioned the funeral without grimacing. _Good for me_. "So you don't have to worry about legal issues if you decide to let me stay."

"I can't kick you out, Jack. You have to do me one thing in return." Rudy told him in all seriousness.

"Yeah, I'll do your laundry. It's the least I can do." Jack thought he knew where Rudy was going.

"Well yeah, that too, but real sensei moment here. We're going to talk about you. What got you here. Please tell me the truth. If I'm going to help you, you need to help yourself while you're here. Any time you feel like doing this," Rudy motioned to Jack's arms, "talk to me or Kim."

Jack sighed and braced himself. "I need to clear out of my house. Too many memories, and after that Seattle tournament, I found some bad news. The house isn't really mine. My name's nowhere on it, and I can't afford the payments, so it's going back to bank soon. I need to get my stuff, and I want to leave it behind anyway."

"You know, I was actually starting to think about that." Rudy said deep in thought. "Well, you found a place. We'll get you settled, and I'm sorry about the house.

"I'm not. Jack shrugged. "Not much to do about it anyway, especially because I don't want it. A four bedroom is too much for a seventeen year old kid."

"Agreed. Now back to all of this. Talk to me." Rudy referred to Jack's emotional state and why he was there at 2:00 am.

"I fucked up today, Rudy. Well yesterday, given that it's 2:00 am."

"Focus, grasshopper." Rudy called him back, familiar with the dodging technique of rambling.

"Okay. So I've been doing pretty good lately, right?" Rudy nodded and Jack continued. "Yesterday I had a huge backslide. I got pissed because on Thanksgiving everyone's all 'I'm so thankful for mommy and daddy' 'I'm so glad to have the whole family is around the table.'" Jack said in contempt.

"You were mad because you were robbed of Thanksgiving." Rudy summed up, showing his understanding.

"Yeah. So I had a pity party with my mom's old home videos. Here's where I really fucked up. Kim came over."

At that, Rudy froze and slowly turned to Jack, afraid what would come next. He wouldn't jump too hard on any conclusions.

"She tried to get me to go to her place, and I should have. But I thought I'd just be funked all day and I didn't want to pass it along." Jack explained.

"Jack, they would have understood. The Crawfords are great people and they'd do their best to see you happy." Rudy said.

"I know that now, but I've felt like such a burden on everyone. I got drunk on my dad's stuff. I had a fight with three people that weren't even there, and it ended with this." Jack motioned to his wrists before he gripped his hands into tight fists, feeling like he was just a burden right now.

"Unclench those fists, Kimosabe." Rudy ordered. "That thing you're feeling now, stop feeling that. You're not a burden on me, or on Kim."

"How can you know I'm not? To Kim anyway." Jack relaxed, thinking Rudy was going somewhere with this.

"Jack, do you remember when I told you that you're parents died?"

"Of course, Rudy, that..."

"That was rhetorical. You won't forget that. Something else you're not allowed to forget: I hugged you, Jack. I went to you when you broke down. I made the first move, and I'm not pulling back."

"But what about Kim? I've put so much on her." Jack sounded and felt defeated. He was so used to being in control of everything.

"I didn't tell you this, Jack, but when I left you in my office, you cried out 'What am I supposed to do now?' Kim tried to run to you. I held her back. After you tore that dummy's head off, Kim went after you. When you went after the Black Dragons, she went after you again, and she did at Thanksgiving too, didn't she?"

"Yeah, she did. She seems to be doing that alot." Jack nodded.

Rudy smacked him upside the head. "Yeah she does, you big idiot." Rudy was getting frustrated at Jack's thickness. "She keeps going after you because you won't go to her. If you were a burden or she didn't care, would she chase you only to have you break her heart?"

Jack dropped his head in his hands, understanding striking him like a bullet. "I've been so stupid, Rudy!" Jack shouted, angry at himself. "I've got to go talk to her."

Rudy pulled Jack back down to the couch. "Not at 2:00 am. Sleep. Go to her tomorrow."

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Jack slept restlessly in Rudy's guest bedroom that was now his. He alternated between good dreams of him making up with Kim and nightmares where Kim left him for being unstable, hurtful, and being a flight risk. That wasn't an option.

Jack woke up around 8:00 am to find Rudy sitting at the table with a bowl and a box of Life cereal. "If you expected a Brady Bunch breakfast, you can get the Brady Bunch the hell out." Rudy said with a mouth full.

"Morning to you too, Rudy." Jack said running a hand through his hair. "What time are you going to the dojo?" Jack made awkward small talk, not sure what else to do. He was used to dojo Rudy, not house Rudy.

"Fifteen minutes ago." Rudy said, digging deeper into the bowl. "You're here, and you're the only one I ever have to actually open up on time for." Rudy gave this info shamelessly. "Get a bowl and stop being weird. I'm still Rudy, Jack."

Jack chuckled and grabbed a bowl before sitting across from Rudy.

"What's on the to do list today, champ?" Rudy asked, sounding honestly curious.

"Well, there's the dojo, not getting killed by Kim..."

"That's a good start." Rudy interjected.

"I need to find a job." Jack ended with.

Rudy dropped his spoon and looked up, his eyes crazy and nearly feral. "You need a job?"

"Yeah, I'm not going to live here for free, Rudy. I'm not a free loader." Jack scoffed, feeling slightly insulted.

"Dude, work at the dojo! You can teach the intermediate kids. You're a second degree black belt fresh out of Otai. You're totally qualified!" Rudy was pumped right now.

"Can you afford to pay me? No offense."

"I can't, but I get paid by Bobby. So would you." Rudy told Jack.

"Since when does Bobby pay you?"

"Since he found out our dojo is an economic hole but he loves us best anyway." Rudy explained.

"I like it. I'm in." This wasn't how Jack expected to start his day. It was better than expected.

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Jack and Rudy rolled into the parking lot and went into the dojo together. Jack used the key Rudy had given him before Otai. Jack was always Rudy's second.

They changed, and it wasn't long before Jerry and Milton showed up. But Kim was oddly missing.

Ten minutes after she should have been there, Jack was getting worried and took that out on a defenseless punching dummy.

"Kim!?" Jack heard Milton shout. Jack only had time to turn before a white and gold blur sent him to the ground with a flawless flying drop kick.

Jack tried to get up three more times, but each time he was just kicked down again. Operation Don't Get Killed By Kim wasn't going well. He finally decided to stay down.

"Come on, get up!" Kim ordered, her Southern flair on full display.

Jack thought he could because she told him to, but she just kicked him down again! This time, he would stay down. "Good morning, Kim." Jack said humorlessly.

"Don't good morning Kim' me!" Oh yeah, she was pissed. "Do you know what you put me through yesterday?" She straddled his chest and was holding him up by his gi collar.

"I'm just gonna let you finish." Jack said, not moving.

"I came over bubbly and all adorable for you yesterday. You slammed the door in my face and locked it!" Kim was yelling indignantly.

"Bro, that's cold." Jerry threw in.

"JERRY!" Jack and Kim both yelled.

"Sorry!" Jerry shrank three sizes.

"My family goes to check on you. We brought you food! You don't open up but it was unlocked this time. My dad found you passed out and drunk in your own blood. We've known you since we were just like fourteen year olds, Jack. Do you know how much that fucked us up?!" This was hands down the most pissed Kim has ever been.

"Kim, I'm sorry." Jack tried.

"No, that's not enough, Brewer. You're hurt and all that. So what, are you giving up, tapping out next time I try to help you? I was there for you and you didn't just toss me out, you never let me in. This hot and cold shit is getting old. I'll take hot, I'll hug you, kiss you, together we can do it. TOGETHER! I'll take cold if you really want me to. Go ahead and leave me behind if you REALLY think that's best, but it isn't. This seesaw needs to stop, though. I'll be there when you call, but I'm tired of chasing." Kim let go of his gi and stood up, tired and flushed from yelling.

Jack stayed where he was and just looked up. "Kim." Nothing. "Kim." Nothing. "Kim."

"WHAT!" Kim shouted, with a squat jump in total annoyance and anger.

"I love you." Jack said still flat on his back.

Kim's eyes darted to Jack and then back to the wall, then back to Jack.

"I'm an idiot. I easily admit that."

"Good. Cuz you are." Kim huffed.

"I moved in with Rudy."

"You what now?" Kim did a double take.

"It was my idea. After what I did to myself and to you yesterday, I knew that I can't live alone, at least not right now. Me and Rudy talked, and he set me straight when a blind man could have seen how stupid I've been." Jack poured his heart out and the other Wasabis just watched like it was some great drama show before them.

"Are you saying you're done being an idiot now?" Kim asked, a playful smirk on her lips. "Because you were right this morning, Jack. It wasn't right by you or me."

"You heard what I whispered to you this morning?" Jack was dumbstruck.

"I sure did. And that kiss told me you meant it." Kim smiled softly. "But you had to hear my end of it too. I love you too, which means I can't watch you kill yourself. I'm trying my best. You're just a kid, but so am I, Jack."

"You don't have to worry about that anymore. It's part of my deal with Rudy. If I ever feel lost, I need to come talk to you or him. No more talking to myself, because that gets me here." Jack's voice was soft and meaningful.

"You mean flat on your back?" Kim said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, that too." Jack chuckled. "Kim, I'm sorry. I'm done pushing you when you try to hold me. I should have been a long time ago." Jack sat up and looked at all of them in turn. "I'm sorry, guys. I haven't been fair to anyone. I'm done hiding and being cold. That's not what you guys want, and that's not what I would want from you guys in my place."

"Jack, I think we've all learned a lot today, don't you?" Rudy said with a smile.

"I'd say so." Jack agreed.

Kim went over to Jack and sat on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. She moved in to kiss him and Jack leaned in, nearly meeting her half way.

"We're done for today, but this is the Bobby Wasabi Dojo, we're not a Home for Hussies!" Rudy shouted, pushing Kim off Jack. "None of that till you both turn eighteen at the apartment too, got it?"

"But isn't it mine too once we're splitting the rent?" Jack argued.

"Damn you're good." Rudy seethed and went to Falafel Phil's.

"You are good." Kim whispered, her breath hot on Jack's lips. She inched just a bit closer and their lips met, slow and soft, taking their sweet time to mold together.

"I said none of that!" Rudy shouted, throwing a shoe at the young couple.

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 **So there's that chapter. We're coming to the end pretty close here. Maybe another two or three chapters. One more hurdle for Jack (it'll be sad, but heartwarming at the same time) and then some loose ends.**


	10. So This Is Christmas

**This chapter has a little more music homework than usual, but stick with me. Please listen to "Winter" by Bayside and "Hold Each Other" by A Great Big World, and finally, "So This is Christmas" by John Lennon.**

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Jack was determined to have a good Christmas this year. Kim had spent Christmas Eve over, the couple and Rudy staying up early into the night wrapping presents and Kim making all kinds of desserts. Christmas movies played in the background while the three laughed and chatted. It had been a perfect night, ending with Jack and Kim nuzzled into each other on the couch, fast asleep with How The Grinch Stole Christmas still playing.

Rudy smiled at the two and pulled a blanket over the happy couple. "Good for you two." Rudy whispered before going off to bed himself.

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The three woke up the next morning and quickly made ready to go to the Crawfords' for Christmas morning.

Kim packed the day's clothing in a bag the day before, so she was all set to go in her red velvet dress with green heels and a green satin bow in her hair. Jack had to hold himself back from unwrapping his innocent little present. She was hot, cute and adorable all rolled in one. Basically, she was his Kim.

Kim wasn't much better, seeing Jack in his black suit with emerald vest and crimson neck tie. "Jack, can you help me with something. Over there." Kim said innocently, but Jack knew it was anything but. They'd been stealing hungry glances of each other all morning, blushing even, when they caught each other looking.

Rudy appeared to be busy or just ignoring them, so Jack didn't see any harm in it. They left the living room and went to the hall between the bathroom and Jack's room.

Jack didn't even make it to his room before Kim roughly pushed him up against the wall and attached her lips to his neck like a vampire. Her intention was to draw hickies, not blood.

Jack picked her up by the waste. He was all compassion and raw strength as he held her, finding her soft, wet lips with his rougher ones. The contrast was fantastic.

Jack moved to grip Kim's silky blonde hair, but like the black belt she was, she caught his wrist and stayed his hand.

"Don't. Even. Think about it." Kim's voice was low and dangerous. "Do you know how long this took?" Kim pointed to her hair, painstakingly and impossibly curled, falling freely around her shoulders and down her back. She was the picture of the perfect Southern Belle.

"I guess you're right." Jack put her back down and pulled her flush against him, his hands gripping her perfect ass.

"That's better." Kim breathed before meeting Jack for an open kiss, her tongue dominating and showing Jack how it was done.

Kim bucked her hips once, twice, three times, doing all she could to not dry hump Jack through the wall.

"You guys ready to go?!" Rudy called from the front door.

"Coming!" Jack answered, impressed at how well he was able to control his voice.

"You better not be!" Rudy responded, clear warning in his voice.

Jack and Kim froze at Rudy's blatant insinuation. They broke apart and smiled sheepishly at each other. "We should probably..." Jack trailed off.

"Yeah..." Kim agreed with the unfinished statement. She turned to leave and Jack smacked her ass playfully. Kim turned her head, never breaking stride. She look pissed and Jack feared for his life until he caught the unmistakable light in her eyes. She smiled and disappeared around the corner, her hair still perfect.

"Thanks for keeping the make out and over the clothes action to around the hallway." Rudy said sarcastically, well aware of what happened.

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Kim opened her front door with a shout of "Merry Christmas mom and dad!"

Chuck and Sarah appeared out of seemingly nowhere. "Merry Christmas, Kimbo." Chuck pulled Kim into a tight hug. "Jack." Jack got a hug too. That's where they were at right now. "Rudy." Rudy got a genuine smile and a bro hug.

They each got a big hug and a kiss on the cheek from Sarah as well.

Jack stepped into the living room and was blown away by the Christmas wonderland that hadn't been this expansive three days ago. The Crawford home had been decorated since December 1st, but this was the mall from Elf level shit.

What didn't escape Jack's eyes were the stockings hanging. There were the Crawford's, even one for Rudy, and then Jack's... and his parents' stockings, all stuffed to the brim.

Jack smiled softly and a happy tear rolled down his cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Jack." Kim said softly, pressing herself into his back and wrapping her arms around his waste. She kissed him behind the ear and enjoyed his pleasant shutter.

Jack turned around in her arms and kissed her forehead. "Merry Christmas, Kim." They wrapped each other in a hug and didn't let go. There was nothing sensual or lustful about it. It was pure, strong love and friendship. They'd been through Hell and they were still here.

"I love you, Kim." Jack whispered into her ear.

"I love you too, Jack." Kim said just as softly, hugging him tighter. They kissed chastely, choosing to keep it PG knowing they had an audience.

There was a knock on the door. Chuck opened it and ushered in Jerry and Milton, both holding an armful of gifts. "Merry Christmas, everyone." Milton smiled, seeing everyone dressed up and... happy. They all looked happy to have each other. Even Jack.

The Wasabis exchanged gifts and Milton handed a fruit cake to Sarah. He caught the hidden look of terror. "Don't worry Mrs. Crawford. It's homemade and the only fruit cake you will ever actually want to eat." Milton was sure of his abilities. It was Scottish fruit cake. That's pretty self-explanatory.

"I gotta get back home. The WHOLE family is up and my mom is gonna need me for crowd control." Jerry said, going back to the door with Milton.

"Hold on a second, guys." Jack spoke up, wrapping his arm around Kim's shoulders. "I haven't been the easiest to get along with lately. I couldn't help it, but it wasn't your fault." Jack addressed everyone. "I couldn't help it, but you guys did. I've been feeling three feet tall a lot lately. A couple times I thought the answer was seek and destroy missions against others or even myself. The answer was you guys, though."

"Of course we're going to be there for you, Jack." Jerry chuckled. "You've been there for us countless times. I'm an idiot and you always end up fixing it." Jerry smiled and Jack smiled back, happy his apology was accepted.

"Kim, I've apologized to you before, but it can never be enough. The things I've done, words I've said when you've only ever been there for me." Jack kissed the top of her head, not letting the scent of her shampoo escape him.

"I've done some stupid things in the past few months, but you guys have all stood by me anyway. I'm going to keep standing by you like I always have." Jack got it all off his chest and stuck his arm out, hand down. "Wasabi?"

The gang joined in. "Wasabi!"

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Dinner came around and Jack got quiet. Kim took a wary notice, but didn't push. Jack had been doing great with talking to her or Rudy, sometimes both, when he needed someone.

He was getting better, he really was, but from dinner to night time were his hardest moments. Darkness set in around him and he felt scared and alone. Jack would call Kim or ask her over, or he would go over there.

Even now, Kim had a flashback to a nightmare from only a week ago that left her in a cold sweat.

"Kim?" Jack broke out of his own funk and came to her side, putting a hand on the small of her back.

Kim smiled at Jack. Leave it to Jack to power out of his own mind to come for her. "I'm okay, Jack." Kim looked at the table to see two extra places set. Her heart jumped and caught in her throat. "Is that for..."

"Yeah." Jack said softly. "I bought them gifts, too." Jack had another tear trying to escape but he fought it back. "You're not okay, Kim. I saw that look. What's up?" Damn him for always being able to read her...

"I should have told you about it, Jack. I had a really bad nightmare. It scared me so much I had to try so hard not to call you in the middle of the night." Kim was talking fast, the idea of the nightmare making her shake. She dropped the silverware she was holding onto the table and threw her arms around Jack.

"Woah, easy Kim. What happened in your nightmare." Jack asked, holding her as tightly as she held him. "It's okay, you're safe here. With me."

"It was Thanksgiving. We didn't... we didn't get to you in time, Jack." Kim quietly sobbed into Jack's shoulder. "We found you on the floor, sitting in your own blood." She sobbed again. "You were shirtless and you were so pale, but you looked peaceful, too."

Jack had heard the whole story from Chuck, but Chuck swore Kim hadn't seen him until he was cleaned up and Chuck brought him out of the bathroom. He swore he never even told Kim how he found Jack.

"I'm sorry, Kim. I never thought about what that would do to you. I'm so sorry." Jack held her closer. She was horrified and traumatized. It was his fault.

"I'm just so glad you're here. That we're here. Now." Kim got herself under control and pulled back.

Jack leaned in to kiss her, but Kim tried to step back because her face was sleek from crying. Jack didn't care because he caused it. He put those nightmares in her head. He caused those tears that made her cheeks and lips damp.

Jack took hold of her wrists and brought her hands to rest on his chest. He stepped closer and her hands stayed, enjoying the hard muscle of his chest under her fingers. He kissed her and she sighed into it, one of her hands rising to his hair.

"We should stop before someone walks in, or before we can't stop." Kim said against his lips.

"Not till you tell me you're fine. Not till you tell me we're good." Jack said between the kisses he trailed up and down her neck.

"Dinner's ready!" Sarah called from the kitchen.

Kim tried again to pull away, but Jack refused. "Kim..."

"Jack..." Kim parroted, but the look in his eyes told her he was serious. She rolled her eyes and dried her cheeks. "Yeah Jack, we're good." Kim finally gave in and Jack let her go.

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After dinner, Jack insisted that he clear the table while the others relaxed in the living room. They didn't argue, they just expected it was a little something he could do himself to clear his head. It was obvious that Jack was having a hard Christmas, but damn was he trying.

Jack was nearly done with the dishes when he looked up at the window above the sink. He saw his own reflection and he swore he saw more than himself. He looked closer and his heart stopped. Jack spun around on his toes and he saw Kim standing in the doorway.

"Jack, is everything alright? You look like you just saw a ghost." Kim said, worry written across her face. Jack was white and his eyes were huge. "Jack, you're scaring me." Kim said hesitantly.

"Nothing. It's nothing. I looked up in the window and I thought I saw... nothing." Jack finished lamely.

"Jack, if something is wrong..." Kim took a step closer.

Jack tried to step back but he only met the counter. "I think I'm losing my mind, Kim." Jack admitted, running a wet hand through his hair.

"What do you mean?" Kim approached slowly, seeing he was so edgy. "Talk to me, Jack."

"I thought I saw my parents. In the reflection." Jack said, still dazed. "They were together. Holding hands. Smiling." Jack mumbled just above a whisper.

"Do you want to come sit down?" Kim asked, cupping Jack's chin in her hands, trying to get him to look at her.

"No, it's just that..." Jack stopped. His brain was fried. "I think... I think they're here tonight." Jack said, still unseeing. "God, Kim. Am I so crazy, do I miss them so much that I'm seeing things? Am I hallucinating?" Jack made eye contact and he looked petrified.

"I..." Kim didn't know what to say. She was at a loss as much as Jack was. "Don't say you're crazy, Jack." Kim tried. "You miss them, especially around the holidays. You're probably exhausted. It's okay, Jack." Kim kissed him, trying to calm him.

"I think I just need a nap." Jack rubbed his eyes. "Can we take a nap?" Jack rested his forehead on hers and yawned. Kim could only giggle at how adorable sleepy Jack was. He was like a big traumatized, lethal child.

"Of course we can. But Jack, it's okay." Kim assured him softly. "Don't be afraid of it. You got to see your parents when no one else got to. Whether they were actually there or not doesn't matter because you saw them. "

"Where did that come from?" Jack asked shocked. "You're like a tiny, hot blonde Buddha." Jack chuckled, hugging her again and resting his chin on the top of her head.

"Now that the shock has worn down, how do you feel?" Kim mumbled into his chest, ignoring Jack's attempt of a deflection.

"You two alright in there?" They heard Chuck call.

"Yup!" Kim replied, her voice happy and even. There was no worry or jump to cause Chuck to think something else was going on.

"I think they knew I needed to see them." Jack said, closing his eyes. "It's been hard, and they mean so much to me, Kim." Jack exhaled. He wasn't really sad, but... reminiscent. Sorrowful doesn't do it, but maybe hollow. He FELT like they were there, but he couldn't exactly reach out and grab them. It was like knowing he had guardian angels.

"Don't let go of that, Jack." Kim said looking up at him from under her eyelashes. Jack had never seen a human being as perfect, angelic and pure as his Kim. She was a feisty little spit fire that could have a mouth when she was mad, but when it came to those she loved, she was heaven in a 5' 2" frame.

"I'm not going to, Kim. It's not fair that I only get seventeen years of memory with them, but they were the best seventeen years anyone could ask for." Jack was quiet and his breath was slow and steady, like he was asleep. "And I have you, Kim. This is going to sound like a lot of pressure and I don't mean it to, but you're my everything."

Kim's eyes watered from those sweet words from her tough and prideful Jack. A soft "oh" was all she could manage. She was so lost in Jack's words, his warmth, his touch and the gentle drum that was his heart.

"You mean more to me than I can tell you, Jack." Kim said with little more than an exhale. "This is how you make me feel, just by seeing me, being with me, touching me." Kim took his hand and placed it between her breasts, over her heart.

Jack's eyes softened even more as his hand felt the nearly violent thumping of Kim's heart. It beat like a tribal drum, rhythmic but powerful. Knowing he drove her like that, he didn't feel powerful or smug, he felt honored and blessed that HE had that effect on her.

"Your parents raised a beautiful young man, Jack. They raised the boy I love and raised him smart and strong. You're more than ready for this world that you've been left to, but you're not alone. It's not fair that they're gone so early, but they brought you this far and now it's up to you, up to us to carry that torch."

"God Kim, I couldn't do this without you, without them out there." Jack pulled her tight again, but his hand stayed trapped over her heart where he wanted it to stay. "You and my parents together mean so much to me, I can't put it in words. I can't even believe the roller coaster I've been on. At first I was terrified, but now I know... I can make it."

There was silence between them, holding each other there in Kim's kitchen. "Merry Christmas, Kim." Jack smiled down at Kim, a fresh light in his eyes.

"Merry Christmas, Jack." Kim smiled right back, matching his light. "Still want that nap?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." Jack took her hand and together they made to leave the cozy kitchen. "Do I get to be big spoon?"

"Fuck no."

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 **If you're familiar with Lennon's political and civil meanings behind this song, more power to you. But this song came into my head for the end of this story through Jack and Kim's eyes. If you think about the whole road to where they are now and where they still have to go, I promise it makes sense. Anyway...**

 **Well folks, I'm calling that game. Ten chapters seemed to be a fair place, and I don't feel like I dragged it out too too much.**

 **I'd like to thank all of you wonderful people for letting me tell my little story, and I hope you enjoyed the ride. Now on to my next adventure..**


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